d.: Hi, Cal.E., are you feeling better now?
C.: Yes. I’m getting out of here as soon as Tucker comes to pick me up today.
d.: I’m sorry that I couldn’t pick you up, but I must work a 12-hour shift at The Kennel today. As far as Tucker is concerned, though, I wouldn’t be holding my breath waiting on him.
C.: Why do you say that?
d.: Well, do you have channel 4,444,444 on the vet clinic’s T.V. cable?
C.: Let me unhook this I.V. and I'll see…yes, All Animal Sports, All the Time, and Twice on Sundays.
d.: You may be interested in the next segment. I just heard on the radio that Tom the Tabby and Tucker, Tucker, Two, your fiancé, are going to have a cat fighting grudge match on that channel. The winner will get ten million dollars!
C.: Oh, yes, here it is. I’ll watch it and call you back when this segment is done, since Tucker is talking right now.
Tux.: All you cat fighting fans are in for a royal treat, when the Battle Royale starts this Saturday night! Tom the Tabby, you kitten napped my fiancé’s fourteen kittens and held them on your ranch that you bought by manipulating the stock market. You made me say that certain stocks would fall on my social media pages and then come back and say that it was a mistake before you would let them go free. You then had me call your stockbroker and made a killing off of selling the stocks you bought in those companies. I hold five cat fighting belts, all the heavy weight class cat fighting belts, and I’m coming for you, my former manager and best friend.
Tom the Tabby: Tucker, I taught you everything you know. Without me, you would be nothing, and I’m going to prove it this Saturday night, right here on channel 4,444,444, All Animal Sports, All the Time, and Twice on Sundays. That’s Saturday night, April 22, 2023, in the alley behind the vet clinic in downtown Houston, Texas. We’re holding the cat fight there so that the animal paramedics won’t have far to go to pick up your sorry tail and the rest of your gigantic body when I body slam you into the pavement, El Gordo Gato. You heard it right hear on channel 4,444,444, where you’ll see the cat fight of the century this Saturday night, if you pay the $1,000 fee to your cable provider.
C.: (click) I can’t watch this anymore. This whole thing was a ruse. Those two criminal cats used my kittens and me to set up a cat fight to make them a lot of money. This doesn’t bode well for mine and Tucker’s marriage, but I still love the big lug. Well, when he gets here, there’s only one thing to do. I’ll…
d.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks, please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.