Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door All the departed, dear loved ones of mine And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
d.: Cal.E., are you alright?
C.: I’m okay d.c., or I will be…
d.: Well, since your mom and dad are on yet another cruise, (Horace must have made a bundle of money when he sold his landscaping company) I’m your backup emergency contact number. The vet clinic called me and said that you were being treated for severe dehydration and malnutrition. I came as soon as I could.
C.: Yes, since Tucker and I were having problems, I couldn’t eat, sleep, or drink anything. I couldn’t keep living that way, so I decided to confront him face-to-face. When I did, he admitted that he made the whole thing up about Tom kitten napping my kittens.
d.: Why would he do that?
C.: Because, he said that he didn’t think that a pretty calico queen like me would be interested in a big lug who had been in and out of The Kennel so many times that the warden retired his number.
d.: Yes, but Tucker, Tucker, Two is the five time champion of cat fighting. No human or animal has ever held five championship belts simultaneously. He won a lot of money from cat fighting, and he and Tom have made up, so he has a good job, too.
C.: You and I know that, but Tucker is just a shy cat who doesn’t have a lot of experience with queens. Anyway, when Tucker came clean, I was so relieved that I fainted and hit my head on the sidewalk.
d.: How did you get to the vet clinic, if they only called me after you were put in a room?
C.: Tucker called 912…
d.: 912?
C.: Yes, that’s the emergency number for animals. So, after Tucker called 912 he made himself scarce…
d.: Why?
C.: He didn’t want anyone to know that he could speak English. He gave the address where we were to the 912 operator. He then hid in the bushes when the animal paramedics came and watched them take care of me. He wanted to make sure that I was okay before he ran off.
d.: I never thought of Tucker as a scaredy cat.
C.: Usually, he’s not, but he’s afraid that, if people knew he could talk, he and Tom the Tabby may be indicted for manipulating the stock market. Then, he would need to go back to The Kennel for a long time, and we couldn’t get married.
d.: That wouldn’t be good. I have one question, though, “If Tom never threatened your kittens, why did Ralph and Sixto say that he did?”
C.: Oh, Ralph has already ruined his hearing from playing bass in my band, and Sixto was too far away to know what was said. He was trying to read lips, but he’s not very good at it.
Excuse me, d.c., the technician is coming to take my blood.
d.: How can you tell the difference between a tech, a nursing assistant, and a nurse? All their uniforms look the same to me.
C.: Easily. The techs wear maroon scrubs, the nursing assistants wear wine colored scrubs, and the nurses wear burgundy scrubs.
d.: I know that, like most men my age, my color perception has faded, but I thought cats were red-green color blind. How can you distinguish the subtle difference in the color of the medical staff’s scrubs?
C.: First of all, I’m not from this planet, remember? Earth cats may be red-green colorblind, but I’m not. Besides, how do you know that cats from your planet can’t distinguish colors, have you ever talked to one, or been one?
d.: I can’t say that I have. But, really, what is the difference between the color of the medical staff’s scrubs?
C.: Well, Burgundy has more red than the other two colors in it, maroon has some brown, and wine has more of the purple color. Now, I must give my blood to the tech, so I’ll be incapacit…
d.: I guess that will be it for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.