Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door All the departed, dear loved ones of mine And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: Well, Tucker and I are all set for our wedding in the Big Easy in July. It wasn’t possible to have a June wedding in my chosen venue. It’s a popular month for weddings, and I waited too late to book the venue. I held onto the reservation for the ally behind the VFW in Guy, Texas until I secured the ally behind the Ritz Carlton in NOLA.
I’m having my seven queens as my bridesmaids, and Tucker will have my seven Toms as his groomsmen. d.c. offered to sing his favorite song, but Tucker wanted something more traditional, and it is his wedding, too (theoretically). My ex-husband from this planet, Tom, is going to walk me down the aisle, and my mom, dad, and d.c. will be seated as my family, along with my human brothers. It’s going to be a fun, light-hearted affair, since Tucker and I are both well past the age where having everything perfect is important.
Now, all I must do is make the arrangements for the reception. Then, Tucker has promised to take me on a fun-filled honeymoon. He should be through writing his doctoral thesis by then, so I’ll be marrying a rich doctor. His cat fighting days are over, according to him. He just wants to relax and enjoy our marriage. That should be made easier by the fact that he and Tom the Tabby are no longer in the business of being loan sharks and demanding protection money. This almost seems too perfect to be true…. (ring) “Oh, hi, Tucker, how are you doing?)
Tux: I just wanted to call and let you know that I’ll be unavailable for a few weeks. I have a business proposition I felt I couldn’t refuse, so don’t try to contact me until next month. Better yet, just wait for my call. That way, I won’t need to worry about when you’re going to call me…
Hey, Tucker! WEes gots ta gets movin’ if’n we’s gonna pull da job. We’s gots some plannin ta do, and yuse gots a fancy degree now, so’s I’s gonna lets ya makes da plan fir us. Don’ tells yo’ girlie ‘bouts it, doe. She might get ta worryin.’
C.: Tucker, is that Tom the Tabby I hear in the background?! I thought that you were both retired from the criminal lifestyle.
Tux.: ER…no. I’m watching a crime documentary. One of the main character’s names is Tucker, and the other one talks just like Tom the Tabby. Go figure!
C.: I figure that you’re trying to hide something from me Tucker, and I don’t like it one bit! You need to come clean right now!
Tux: Well, Tom figured out a way to manipulate the stock market to his advantage, and he’s going to make a lot of money. He says that we’ll split the money 50/50, but he needs a cat that can speak English to call the stockbroker. He didn’t think that you would have time with planning our wedding and all, so he asked me if I knew another cat that could speak English. Imagine his surprise when I started to speak the human tongue!
C.: Tom has oodles of money, and you and I are set for life, too, as long as we don’t spend too much at one time. What is Tom planning on doing?
Tux: He’s going to buy up some companies with his money, once he gets me to spread the word that certain companies are failing. Humans are so fickle that they’ll sell their stocks for below market value at the first sign of trouble. When the stock dips, he’ll swoop in and buy the stock. When it recovers, he’ll sell it at an increased price. It’s a fool-proof plan, since no one will expect two cats to be manipulating the stock market!
C.: I don’t know, this sounds shady. Why can’t the two of you just be satisfied with what you have, and live off of that? I mean, how much money is enough, anyway?
Tux: To quote the man who was considered the richest person in the world at one time, Howard Hughes, “Just a little more.”
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