C.: Hey, d.c. I’m in the kennel. Can you come get me?
d.: I didn’t think that you were scheduled to work today, Cal.E. Are you working off shift?
C.: No, d.c., I’m in the kennel.
d.: Are you hurt?
C.: No, d.c., I’m in the kennel where we work.
d.: What happened?
C.: I had some charges filed against me, so animal control came and picked me up.
d.: I see. How much is the bail?
C.: A dime.
d.: I think I have two nickels, so that shouldn’t be a problem…
C.: No, d.c. not two nickels, ten thousand dollars.
d.: Ten thousand dollars!? I don’t have that much money that I can get my hands on quickly. What are the charges?
C.: Littering, loitering…
d.: Those are misdemeanors. Why is the bail so high?
C.: Well, there is one other charge.
d.: What is that charge?
C.: Assault with a deadly weapon.
d.: Who filed those charges on you? I mean, you’re a cat. You can’t wield a knife or fire a gun. Who filed these bogus charges?
C.: Tucker.
d.: Cal.E., what did you do?
C.: Well, I had this bright idea, so I spent all my money to rent a helicopter to drop pieces of paper with famous quotes on them and try to win him back. My plan was to call him out in his yard just as the helicopter was dropping the sheets of paper. I suppose that I called him out at the wrong time.
d.: If you called him out when the paper was dropping on his lawn, I can see the first two charges sticking. But what about the third charge?
C.: Well… paper doesn’t exactly drop straight to the ground, so I made it a little heavier.
d.: By doing what, exactly?
C.: I tied all the paper to rocks and dropped them on Tucker’s yard. When I called him out, one of the rocks dropped on his head. He thought that I did that on purpose, and he’s still recovering from his cat fight.
d.: (Heavy sigh), Okay, I’ll see if I can find a bail bondsman for animals. I think I have the ten percent in liquid cash, so I’ll just need to look up one that handles animal’s cases….
C.: Oh, never mind, d.c. Someone has posted my bail for me. Mom and Dad and Eudora are on a cruise, and I’m talking to you, so that only leaves Tom to be the one who posted my bail. I suppose I should call thank him.
Hmm. He probably wants me out of The Kennel so I can do something for him, like call a stockbroker or something like that. Actually, I should take advantage of his knowledge and invest in whatever he’s investing in, but I don’t have any money.
d.c., you said you have one thousand dollars. Can I borrow that money and invest with Tom? I’ll pay you one-half of whatever I make.
d.: Hmm. Well, what Tom is doing is highly illegal, but who would believe that a cat was playing the stock market with insider information and making a fortune? I’m in, Cal.E.
C.: Okay, let me call Tom. “Hey, Tom, It’s Cal.E. Thank you for posting my bail. What do I need to do to pay you back?”
Tom.: I don’t need anything, Cal.E., and I didn’t post your bail. I made my fortune with the last investment you helped me with. It made me one- and one-half times the doe I already had. I’m worth one hundred million dollars now. I’m retired, as of now. I don’t want all these cats claiming to be relatives contacting me, so I’m tryin’ ta fly unda da radar, so ta speak.
C.: Then, if you didn’t post my bail, who did? And what happened to your diction?
Mysterious voice out of sight: I did
C.: Tucker, why would you post bail for me after you had me thrown into The Kennel? And, now that we're "on a break," where will I go, what will I do?
Tux.: Frankly, my dear, I….
d.: Well, we’re out of time for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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