d.: Let’s see what’s on ASPN tonight. That was a good cat fight last night. Tucker set his opponent up perfectly, and then went in for the kill. That was interesting, so I’d like to see what;s on this channel tonight. I can even use the big screen television, since Eudora went on that cruise with Horace and Hortense during her spring break.
Oh, wow! It’s another cat fight. I guess that spectator from last night's cat fight is at this one too, making a bootleg recording and sending it to ASPN live. This one is for the light heavyweight championship belt. Tucker will never make weight for this event, so I’ll just change the channel…wait, it is Tucker! He’s the challenger. How could he get his weight down to below twenty pounds in one day? Not to mention that he just fought last night. He must be tired. Let me see what the ring announcer is saying. He’s introducing Tucker as the challenger for this belt.
Ring Announcer: In the black corner, weighing in at 19.9978 pounds, the challenger for tonight’s world championship and holder of four other cat fighting championship belts, The Tuxedoooo, Tucker, Tucker Two!!
And in the red corner, the champion of this division, weighing in at 19.678 pounds, Harry the Housecat!
d.: Man, both cats are within a fraction of a pound of being overweight for this class. I’ve never heard of “Harry the Housecat.” I wonder who he is? Oh, wait, it’s Bob the Cat with a wig on to disguise himself. It’s Tucker’s opponent from last night! It’s a rematch of last night’s catfight!
At least Tucker will know his opponent’s moves, but Bob the Cat will know Tucker’s moves and tricks as well. This should be very interesting.
Ring announcer, referee and play-by-play announcer: Okay, cats, I want a clean cat fight, if there is such a thing. When the bell rings, bump paws and come out fighting (ding, ding, ding). And Tucker isn’t going to waste any time in this fight. He’s going in for the kill immediately. He didn’t even go to his corner to take instructions from his manager, Tom the Tabby. He has the champion on the ropes, the champ is on the canvas, and his manager is throwing in the towel! Folks, we have a new light heavyweight cat fighting champion: The Tuxedoooo, Tucker Tucker Two!
Ring Announcer: Tucker, you now hold five belts in cat fighting. No human or animal has ever held five belts simultaneously. What do you intend to do now?
Tux: As of this instant, I retire from cat fighting. I just want to retire with my prize money and my intended and live a normal, lazy nine lives….
Tom the Tabby: Psst. Not so fast, Tucker. Da ten mil yas was gonna get for winnin dis fight is in cryptocurrency. Da market is down, and it’s all tied up in a brilliant portfolio that I secured fir yas. But, dare’sa nother fight in a month, for da middle weight cat fighting championship. Tink about dat, Tucker. Yas could hold six belts, all at da same time, ifn’n yas can loose one-hlf your body weight.
Tux: I swear by my good name, Tom, if you don’t come up with that money in the next two weeks, I’ll end your life. I can do it. I don’t mind going to the kennel and “cooling my heels” if I get caught. I’ve been in there multiple times. It gave me time to get my GED, my undergraduate college degree, and my master’s degree. Now, if I get put back in the kennel, I ‘ll just work on my doctoral dissertation. Our kennel has a no kill policy, so I’ll be able to live in there for a while. When I get out, though, I’ll hunt down everyone associated with you and….
T the T: Psst. Tucker, your mic is on.
Cal.E.: I’m glad I overcame my fear of watching Tucker fight. Now, I know his true nature. I don’t know if I can live the rest of my life with a cat that has such a violent temper (but ten million dollars would do a lot to change my mind). I guess I have a decision to make.
Tune in tomorrow, folks, and find out what will happen with our lead couple, and if Tom the Tabby can survive Tucker’s fury, And more importantly, if crypto currency will ever recover.
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