d.: Hey, Cal.E., it’s time to start your training for the Cat Rodeo. We need to work on that one first, since it occurs next month. Then, we can work on the Cat Skills Games.
C.: I also signed up to participate in an Ironman distance triathlon in August, but I have all three events covered, d.c. There’s no need to worry yourself with training me.
d.: How are you going to finish all three events without training, Cal.E.? All three events require dedication, training and a burning desire to do your best. You’re trying to be the all-around cat cowgirl at the Cat Rodeo, so you need to train hard for that!
C.: Nah, I have a secret weapon.
d.: What’s your secret weapon, Cal.E.?
C.: I don’t know if you remember this, but last year I developed an energy drink to give me quick energy. I’ve improved on that formula, and now it ‘s the only thing I need to compete in these events.
d.: How did you improve your energy drink?
C.: I added more power!
d.: ??!!
C.: The man ingredient in my energy drink is beet juice. That’s what gave me so much energy. So, I added more beet juice.
d.: Cal.E., I tried your energy drink, and it did give me a lot of energy, for a short period of time. Then, I was exhausted. I don’t think that just adding more beet juice to your energy drink is going to help you finish all three of these events strongly. It may help your performance, though, if you train like a maniac.
C.: d.c., you know that since I’m from another planet in another galaxy that certain plants affect me differently than earth cats. I added more of my special ingredient.
d.: I thought that you were on the wagon with catnip.
C.; Well,… I just need a little bit. Then, in September, when I’ll quit. I can do that anytime I want to. As I said before, Tucker’s been eating catnip every day since he was six weeks old, and he can quit anytime he wants to.
d.: Or so he says. He still hasn’t stopped chewing catnip, even while he’s training for his fourth catfighting belt.
C.: How do you know?
d.: Cal.E., I know that you only follow sports when you have money riding on an event, but Tucker’s been in all the sports magazines and in the newspaper. He’s a celebrity. No human or animal has ever held four different belts simultaneously for anything. There’s a picture of him in today’s sports section in the newspaper, weighing himself the morning before his fight for the new belt. He had catnip in his mouth while he was weighing himself. I thought that you would follow your fiancé’s career path, at least.
C.: No, I can’t watch or keep up with him doing that. It’s too stressful and violent, so, I didn’t see that. Did he make his weight?
d.: He was three pounds overweight. A cat must weigh less than thirty pounds to be considered a regular heavyweight. He weighed just over 32 pounds, but he still had twelve hours to drop the three pounds.
C.: But that’s a lot of weight to drop in a short period. How will he be able to do that?
d.: Boxers and wrestlers have extreme ways of dropping weight, like dehydrating themselves in a sauna and/or running and fasting before a fight. Tucker is a seasoned professional he should know how to drop the weight for the catfight, and his manager, Tom the Tabby, is one of the greatest cheaters who ever lived. I’m sure he’ll make the weight.
C.: It’s almost time for Tucker’s fight.
d.: Why don’t yo come watch it on my giant screen television with me, Cal.E.? It's on ASPN. the animal sports network: all animal sports, all the time. 24/7, 365
C.: I just can’t, d.c. It’s too stressful. (Now I really need my “secret ingredient. I’ll have just a little to calm my nerves).
Somewhere in Louisiana
Ladies and gentlemen, animals of all ages, let’s get ready to rumble! Tonight, for the heavyweight catfighting championship of the world…
d.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow and find out if Tucker earns his fourth belt, and if he and Cal.E. will decide to kick their catnip habit once and for all (I’d like to get odds on that one).
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