d.c. the announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, cats of all ages, let’s get ready to rrrrrumble. Tonight, for your entertainment pleasure, we have a Texas Cage Match Catfight.
In the black corner, weighing in at forty two and one-half svelte pounds, claiming to be in the best shape of his life, the former super (duper) really heavy heavyweight catfighting champion of the world, The Tuxedooooo, Tucker, Tucker, Two.
And in Cal.E.’s Korner, weighing in at seven whole pounds, the challenger, Calculating Einstein (Cal.E.) Kat!!!
d.c., the referee: Okay, cats, I want a clean fight. No biting, no clawing, no eye-gouging, and stop when the bell rings…
C.: d.c., we’re cats! Biting, scratching and eye-gouging is how we fight!
d.: Okay, just stop when the bell rings, then. This is a Texas Cage Match. The cage will remain locked until one of the managers, Tom or I, throws in the towel or one of you is knocked out. Otherwise, the gate will open when one of you is declared the winner on a point system. This catfight will consist of three, two minute rounds. It’s winner takes all! The winner gets Cal.E.’s brand new Harley, Tom’s money, and gets to save face. The loser will retain none of those things. When the bell rings, bump paws and come out ready to fight.
d.c. the trainer: Okay, Cal.E., remember what we discussed on the drive over. Just don’t stop. Bob, weave, dance, and run. Bob, weave, dance and run. Bob…
C.: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. Bob Weaver dances and runs….(ding, ding, ding)
d.c. the announcer: And it looks like the challenger has a plan (but I can’t tell what it is). She’s bobbing, not doing very much weaving, and her dance moves lack a lot to be desired. She’s trying to run, but the ring is too small. The Tuxedo is just standing in the middle of the canvas, biding his time. He started out trying to land a punch, but tired too quickly. Now, he appears to just be waiting for a chance to throw a knockout blow. He doesn’t think he will need the points to win this match. He’s confident in his ability to deliver a blow so crushing that he can end the catfight with one paw. (What's she doing?!) The challenger is lying on the canvas, appearing to take a nap! The Tuxedo is approaching and, oh! the old baby powder in the face trick. The Tuxedo is now blinded. (ding, ding, ding) That’s the end of round one, folks. Tune in tomorrow to listen to round two.
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