d.: (I told Cal.E. and T. that I would help by editing Cal.E.’s book, but I got called into work today. There’s nothing going on right now, though, so maybe I can do that now….)
Inmate: Help! I need help!
d.: (Nope). How can I be of service to you today, ma’am sir, or nonbinary individual?
I.: I believe I’m having an asthma attack.
d.: Why do you think that?
I.: Well, I’m having trouble breathing to the point that it’s effecting my talking, so you need to give me a breathing treatment consisting of Albuterol and Ipratropium with a non-rebreather mask now!
d.: How long has this been going on?
I.: Since three days ago, when I gave an extemporaneous ten minute speech at Toastmasters. I could hardly finish my ten-thousand word speech without taking a breath. I’m quite concerned.
d.: I see. Well, your chart doesn’t say anything about you having asthma, and your oxygen saturation is 100% on room air.. Additionally, your lungs are clear when I listen to them. Maybe it’s something else that’s making you feel bad, since it isn’t an asthma attack.
I.: You’re supposed to do whatever I say. Aren’t you here to help the inmates?!
d.: Yes, and that requires that I treat you properly. To do that, I need to do some diagnostic testing. I’ll start with a prostate exam, so bend over….
I.: All of a sudden, I feel much better. Officer, please let me out now!
d.: Another satisfied customer.
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