Cal.E.'s Korner

d.: I looks like my bottled water has expired. I wonder how water can expire? (Ring) I wonder who that could be?

“Hello?”

C.: Hi, d.c., it’s me.

d.: Oh, hi, Cal.E. I wasn’t expecting you to call at this time of day.

C.: Didn’t you get my instant message to check your email?

d.: No, why?

C.: Because my email said that I was going to text you to let you know that I was going to call you at this time.

d.: Wouldn’t if be more efficient just to call me?

C.: Dude!! you are old!

d.: Anyway, what can I help you with?

C.: Well, I need some help getting someone to go to work today.

d.: Oh, is one of your kittens being lazy, or is Jodi just hiding from the world today?

C.: Neither. I need for you to convince Tom the Tabby to go to work today.

d.: Why? It seems like it would be a good thing for him not to hurt anyone that owes him protection money. At least these cats will get a one day break from him breaking their bones if Tom stays home today.

C.: d.c., Tom has a regular job, too. He runs a pawnshop.

d.: I suppose that he must wash his illegally gotten gains somehow, so that makes since; but why is it so important for him to go to work today?

C.: Because he also loans money out of his pawn shop, and I need to borrow some.

d.: How much?

C.: I’ll text you the figure…

d.: Wow! That’s a lot of money!

C.: Yes it is. And, even though my husband,  Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken is a meowoinnare, I don’t want to put this on our joint account credit card.

d.: Why not?

C.: Because then he’ll figure out that my claws are fake when I go to have them polished and they try to repossess them. 

Besides, the credit card company charges 22% interest on charges not paid off at the end of the month, and Triple T investments only charges 21.99999998 percent.

d.: And a broken bone if you don’t pay up. Okay, Cal.E., text me his number and I’ll call him.

C.: IM is quicker.

d.: What’s the difference?

C.: 0.0000011336 tenths of a second, which I just wasted explaining it to you. Anyway, here’s the number to Triple T Pawn and Loan. Triple T has all calls forwarded to his cell phone if he isn’t at the pawn shop.

d.: Okay, here goes. (ring).

TTT.: This is Tom. If you want to talk to me, leave me a message and I’ll call you when I’m able, willing, and in a better mood. (beep).

d.: Tom, it’s d.c., if  your listening, please pick up….

TTT.: I didn’t drop my phone on the floor, d.c.

d.: I mean please answer, which you did. Tom, why are you so depressed that you don’t want to go to work today?

TTT.: Because, d.c., everyone at the Pawn Shop hates me. I have a hard time getting along with management, and the labor side of the operation hates me, too. 

d.: Tom, don’t you work for yourself, by yourself?

TTT:…That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.