Cal.E.'s Korner

d.: Well, the local weather is over. I'm glad I recorded it while Eudora and I were on vacation. I needed to know when to turn my automatic sprinkler system so my grass wouldn't die. Let me see what else is no tonight.

No, that's not good. I've seen that, and that, and that. I have fifty-seven channels and a one-hundred-inch screen, and I can’t find anything to watch since the Astros aren’t playing tonight. Wait, there’s a crawler at the bottom of the screen saying to turn on channel 222.222 for a special program. I hope it isn’t anything illegal, but I still need to put my television in “stealth mode” just in case it is. This channel shows a lot of cat fights, and they’re illegal in Texas and most other states in America.

Ladies, gentlemen, non-binary individuals, and animals of all descriptions…LETS GET READY TO RUUUUMBLE!  Tonight, for your entertainment, we have the rematch of a grudge match between two former BFFs and business partners.

In the black corner, weighing in at exactly twelve pounds, the six-time World Association of Cat fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, by his opponent, the Original Triple T.

In the Orange corner, weighing in at 11.999987412365 pounds, the middle-weight cat fighting WACKO champion of the world…TOM THE TABBY!!

Folks and animals, in an unusual twist, the two participants have agreed to go down to the middle-weight WACKO Cat-fighting weight. That category of cat fighting has a weight limit of twelve pounds, a lighter weight than either cat has ever fought at. T has lost a total of forty pounds in the last five years to get down to this weight. So, will he be able to maintain his strength at this weight? And will Tom ever be able to beat his old best friend and now chief rival at any weight? Tune in tomorrow and find out right here on Cal.E.’s Korner.

d.: (Man, what a rip-off. I just paid fifty dollars to watch the weigh-in.

The actual cat fight is tomorrow night. Well, I suppose I should find my other credit card. I don’t want to max this one out if they’re going to keep charging each event, so I guess that we’re out of time for today, folks. I’ll see you tomorrow for “The Catfight To End All Cat Fights