Cal.E.'s Korner

d.; Let me turn on my 100" t.v.

and see if Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken is fighting his arch enemy, The Original Triple T, Tom the Tabby yet on channel 222.222.

Yes, here it is, and I’m in for a treat because my favorite radio host, Joe Groan is calling the match. This should be entertaining!

JG.: Oh! Oh! Oh! We’re here at the Eighth Wonder of the World, the Houston Astrodome,

for “The Cat fight To End All Cat fights.” It’s between two cats that hold seven WACKO cat fighting belts between them, but this cat fight isn’t sanctioned by the World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology. That’s because both cats agreed to fight outside of their usual weight classes. In an unusual twist, both cats are fighting at weights below their weight classes.

T holds the championship belts in six different heavy weight WACKO cat fighting, and Tom is still the champion of the middle weight class. T usually fights at almost twenty pounds, and the weight class Tom holds the championship belt in has a weight limit of fifteen pounds. However, both cats have agreed to fight at the featherweight limit of twelve pounds. The referee is talking to both cats now. Let’s listen.

Ref: Okay, cats. This is a Texas Ladder Cage Match. The only rules are that one of the participants must lie on the canvas until I count to ten. Then, the other cat will take a ladder and climb over the top of the cage, and down the other side. Alternatively, one cat can try to climb the ladder and grab the key that’s hanging from a string above the ladder. He can then use that key to open the cage and let himself out. But, if the other cat gets out before he does, that cat will be declared the winner. Other than that, there are no rules. Eye gouging, hitting below the belt kicking and scratching are all allowed. Now, bump front paws and come out ready to fight!

JG.: Okay, the referee has explained the rules for this grudge match. No championship belts are at stake, only pride. Tom wants to prove that, even though he kept his championship belt after his and Ts last cat fight because it was declared a draw, he is the better cat fighter, and T wants to prove he’s still the best cat fighter in the world. (ding). And there’s the opening bell for the first round.

And T is going to employ his usual strategy of going straight in for the kill just after the opening bell. He tries for a roundhouse right cross and…. He misses. Tom was prepared for this, and he hits T with three uppercuts to the underside of Ts jaw. Down goes T. Down goes T. Down goes T.

Ref. One, two, three four, five, six, seven

JG.: T is trying to get up so that this will only count as an eight count. He’s up on his back feet, and, no, he falls to the canvas.

Ref. Nine, ten.

JG. And now, Tom is ascending the ladder. All he must do is crawl out of the cage and he’s the winner, but he’s jumping for the key, endangering his life for no reason! Tom has the key, he’s climbing down the outside of the cage, and…he’s opening the cage. He let the referee out. And now, in an incredible show of sportsmanship, tom is dragging his former BFF out of the ring and checking to make sure that T’s okay as he helps his buddy to a comfortable couch. What a gesture! Now, T is asking for the mic. Let’s listen.

T.: Thank you, my old friend. And now, I want to address the sparse crowd here

at the Astrodome, as well as those watching on channel 222.222.

Today, (today, today) I consider myself the luckiest cat on the face of the earth. I have good friends like Tom, a great family, and an adoring public. I am also a meow-illioniare, so I don’t see the need in risking my health by cat fighting anymore. As of this moment, I am permanently retired from cat fighting. GOD BLESS AMERICA!

JG: Well, that looks like not only the end of the cat fight, but the end of an era.

It's certainly 'game over' for me. The greatest WACKO cat fighter in the history of the organization has taken his one defeat hard. He’s retiring from cat fighting. In my never to be humble opinion, THAT STINKS! For me, this really was the cat fight to end all cat fights, because I don’t think that it‘s worth watching without its premier fighter.

That’s the wrap for today, folks.

I’m Joe Groan, and you are somebody else.

C.: ????