C.: Hi, Mr. Coworker. You don’t look like you’re feeling well. If you’d like to go home and not work this shift, I’ll stay and fill in for you today.
Coworker: I’m perfectly fine. In fact, I feel great! Why do you want to fill my shift after you worked two double shifts the past two days?
C.: Well, I signed up for a catfight and made the mistake of making my best friend my manager. Now, he wants me to train 24/7, since the fight is less than a week away. If I stay at work, at least I have an excuse to get away from d.c. for a few hours a day. I’m exhausted, and he just keeps pushing me harder and harder! He’s a nice guy, but when he starts doing something he really likes and believes in, he doesn’t know when to quit!
Co: Then why don’t you just go home and hide?
C. : I would, but he’s my mom and dad’s next door neighbor, and my dad is his best friend. He’s at my house as much as his own. When he sees me sleeping, he comes into the room and blows his whistle to wake me up. Then, we go running for hours on end. I can’t take any more of this. Please let me fill your shift!
d.: Oh, there you are, Cal.E. Your shift ended twenty minutes ago, and the bus came by your mom and dad’s house without you on it. I was concerned, so I came to check on you. Also, I have some good news and some bad news for you.
C.: Well, d.c., I would love to chat with you. but Earnie here isn’t feeling well, so I volunteered to stay and fill his shift for him tonight.
Co.: My name is Burt, and I feel fine. Go ahead and train with your friend.
C.: Okay, d.c. We can talk on the way home. Did you bring your truck, or should I call the bus driver?
d.: Neither, and that’s part of what we need to discuss. I ran here, because I thought it would be a good warmup for me. It’s only four miles from our houses. If we run back, you’ll be good and loose for the workout I have planned for you. It shouldn’t take over four hours after we run home.
C.: And I suppose that’s the bad news?
d.: Not exactly, but let me tell you the good news first. I got a large venue for the catfight between you and The Tuxedo. Sam Houston Coliseum has a history of housing great fights and fighters, and they had an opening. The great promotor, Paul Boesch, made that place famous with the wrestlers he brought to wrestle there. The fight sold out within fifteen minutes because of the reputation of the venue. And, even if you lose the fight, with the money we’ll bring in from the closed circuit television contract I signed y’all up for, you’ll be able to keep your bike, or buy a comparable one if Tom insists on taking yours (if you keep working at The Kennel until five years after your life expectancy. Also, since I may be the only human in Greater Houston who speaks both English and Catonese, I’ll be both the ring announcer and the T.V. commentator, in addition to refereeing the bout. Since I’m also your trainer, I can help you during the fight!
C.: Well…it does sound like you're trying to help me out, d.c. Especially since you got the fight booked in a venue that was demolished twenty-five years ago. I really appreciate that. But what’s the bad news?
d.: A nostalgic builder wanted to build a replica and bring back some old acts. It will only be available for fights and concerts for five days, and the Coliseum only had one fifteen minute opening in those five days. That's long enough for three two minute rounds of cat fighting with one minute rest periods in between rounds, and enough time for my introduction…
C.: That doesn't sound like bad news, d.c.
d.: Here’s the bad part. The opening is tomorrow night between six forty-five and seven p.m.
C.: But I don’t get off work until six!
d.: I know. I get off at the same time. If we double time it to my truck and traffic is light, we should get to the replica of the coliseum around six-thirty. You can change and get ready to fight, and I’ll warm up my vocal chords for fifteen minutes.
C.: Okay, If that's the situation, we can start training right after I get home and take a catnap. I really need some sleep after working double shifts the last two days!
d.: Sleep! Sleep?! You want to sleep?! You don’t have time to sleep! The match is tomorrow, and it’s a Texas Cage Match! The cage is locked until one of the opponents concedes, or the time limit expires. You’ve got to train hard until you go to work tomorrow, and then we'll work out a strategy on the drive to the coliseum. This is life and death, Cal.E. Failure is not an option!
C.: Houston, we have a problem!
To be continued
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