C.: Hey, d.c. You never did said how you liked my new toy.
d.: It’s a nice ride, Cal.E. I’ll admit that…
C.: And I can ride for almost a month on a sawbuck!
d.: Yes, five dollars would be enough to go around one-hundred miles, since these bikes get about fifty miles to the gallon of fuel. But Cal.E., that won’t do you any good if you don’t ever learn how to ride it!
C.: As soon as he gets through helping Tom the Tabby with his business, The Tuxedo has promised to help me learn how to ride a motorcycle. I just need to be patient.
d.: Are you sure that his motives are honorable? Triple T and his entourage are known to be dishonest, and that is especially true of Tucker, Tucker, Two. Besides, isn’t Tom still after you for stealing his gambling money? The tuxedo is none too bright, so Tom controls his every move. Tom may have put him up to stealing your bike as payback for taking his money. You need to be careful!
C.: Actually, the perception that Tucker isn’t smart is a common misconception. He’s actually an educated cat. It’s just his speech patterns that make people believe he isn’t a smart cat. It’s a good cover for him, though. Not many know that he got an undergraduate at U.C. Davis, and his master’s degree at Oxford…
d.: The Tuxedo has a degree from the most prestigious university in the world? And he also has an undergraduate degree from one of the most prestigious west coast’s universities?
C.: No, d.c. Tucker, Tucker Two got his undergraduate degree studying under his Uncle Clyde Davis. Then, he went to Ole Miss to get his postgraduate degree in food supply chain economics. It’s in Oxford, Mississippi. He’s the real brains behind Tom’s operations.
d.: Of course! At least he didn’t go to my alma mater. He would have gone to the dogs if he went there. Hey, Cal.E., it looks like you have a visitor. The Tuxedo is pounding on your mom and dad's door. I wonder what he wants. “Hey, Tucker, she’s over here!”
C.:(Thanks alot, d.c.) Good evening, and how are you on this fine day., Mister Tucker, Tucker, Two. How may I be of service to you at this hour?
Tucker: Don’ try an’ distract me wit’ your fancy talk, purtty cat! Tom sent me ta offer youse a challenge. He said if’n youse can go tree rounds wit’ me in a catfight, youse could keep your bike, your purtty face, and his money. All ya’s gots ta do is stay upright for tree, two minute rounds. That six minutes total, or 360 seconds. That’d be how many microseconds? Carry da four, multiply by two and subtract twenty. It’d be a lotta microseconds. If’n ya’s lose, doe, I gets to keep ya shiny new motorcycle and ya’s gots ta return Tom’s money, and I gets ta keep poundin’ on ya’s like there ain’t no tomorra. What say you?
C.: That hardly sounds fair, since we’re nowhere near the same weight class Tucker. YOu're enormous! Perhaps we could work something else out, like I let you and Tom take my bike for a ride while I’m working at The Kennel, as long as you return it, gas tank full, the next day?
T.: No deal. Ya’s don’ even know how ta ride da ting. I’s gonna teach ya, but Tom said ‘no.’ He wants to work out the deal, or I takes the bike here and now! Or, we could just begin our rumble immediately.
d.: If I may, let me make a counter offer. I’ll train Cal.E. for one week, and then we’ll be glad to accept your deal.
T.: Ya’s gots one week, purtty cat. Den, I smash yo’ face in an’ take your bike and da loot.
C.: Again, thanks a lot,d.c. Do you even know anything about catfighingt?
d.: No, Cal.E., I don’t. But I do know how to run. I was a sprinter in high school and a distance runner in my thirties and forties. Tucker said all you must do is stay upright for three two minute rounds. Let’s get started!
C.: I’d love to, d.c., I really would, but I’m due to be at The Kennel for work in, oh, gosh, four hours. I need to get started getting ready, so it looks like we’re out of time for today. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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