Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
'Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the sun of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: Let’s see, to stop the world from being dropkicked through the goalposts of life by the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, Meow Z. Tongue,
I’ll…no, that won’t work. Then, I’ll, no that won’t work either. I know, I’ll call my best human friend on this planet, d.c. scot and ask him what to do. (ring).
d.: This is d.c. scot, please leave a message after the beep.
C.: d.c., I know that you’re off work today, and I see your truck sitting in your driveway, so I know that you’re at home. Pick up the phone, please, because I need your help to save the world.
d.: Hello?
C.: d.c., can you come over to Wayne Manor and help me formulate a plan to save the world from being destroyed by Meow Z. Tongue?
d.: No can do, Cal.E. I’m waiting on a phone call from a literary agent. She said that it would take six days to six months to answer my query letter, and today is the sixth day, so I need to monitor my phone. That’s why I’m not answering my calls.
C.: Oh, for Cat’s sake, d.c., how old are you?
d.: Well, my birthday is in July, and then I’ll be….
C.: It was a rhetorical question, d.c. This is the twenty-first century, not 1984. You can take your cell phone with you when you come, and I’m sure that it has call waiting, as almost all cell phones do in this century.
d.: That’s a good point, Cal.E. I was so excited about this agent actually giving me encouragement that I forgot all that. I was discouraged when I got a rejection letter from an agent that I don’t even remember sending a query letter to. S/he said something about knowing the names of the people I’m querying. S/he said that I should pay more attention to details, or something along that lines.
I’ll be right over.
Ten minutes later
(ring)
C.: Who is it?
d.: It’s d.c., you called me ten minutes ago and asked me to come over to formulate a plan to save the world.
C.: How do I know that it’s really you, since I’m not tall enough to look through the peep hole in the door?
d.: It’s starting to rain, Cal.E., let me in, please.
C.: If you’re really d.c. scot, nurse at The Kennel (both human and animal) as well as author and my best friend on this planet, you’ll know what the password phrase is.
d.: CAL.E.! OPEN THIS DING DANG DOOR NOW!
C.: Let me grab the doorknob. Oh, hi, d.c., have you been waiting long?
d.: Let’s just get to work, please. I have my thinking cap on so we can come up with a plan quickly. I need to get back to monitoring my phone. I also need to water my grass when it stops raining since it’s Wednesday.
IDK why your husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, holder of heavy weight cat fighting belts in five different categories and owner of the house you now live in, Wayne Manor, can’t help you with this.
C.: Well, believe it or not, T has a hair trigger when it comes to bully cats, and that’s what Meow Z. Tongue is. If T loses his temper and Meow has a nuclear bomb with a “deadcats switch” on it, he could cause the end of the world.
d.: Well, since you put it that way, I’ll help. I can’t sell any books if no one survives Meow’s attack, anyway. So, what should we do, Cal.E.?
C.: Well, I was thinking about setting a trap for Meow. He’s a smart cat, but he’s very egotistical. If we tell him that we’ll go along with his plan, we can lure him here and lock him in one of the 103 rooms in Wayne Manor. We just need to sound convincing. Some cat treats may also help.
d.: I’ll handle the snacks and you make the call.
C.: I would do that right now, but we’re out of time for today. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner, unless, of course, Meow has already destroyed the world by then. We’ll cancel the blog if that happens.
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