Come and listen to a story 'bout a cat named Meow
Poor little kitty barely kept his belly fed
Then one day he was talkin’ on Cal.E.’s blog,
And up came a man and offered him a job
(mucho mula, that is, green backs and food)
Well the first thing you know old Meow’s a big fat cat
Kin folk said Meow you know where it’s at
Said Planet Earth is the place you oughta be
So they loaded up the spaceship and they moved to the Galaxy
(The Milky Way, that is. Not the candy bar)
Well now it's time to say goodbye to Meow and all his friends
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
(Earth cats, that's what they call 'em now,
Nice cats. Y'all come back now, ya hear?)
C.: Meow, Z. Tongue, you do realize that, as the Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, most of the song posted at the beginning of the blog isn’t true.
M.: It is true that I was a guest on your blog when a man offered me a job as the mascot for. PITUI.
C.: PITUI?!
M.: Yes, it stands for People (against the ) Incredibly (cruel) Treatment of Unbelievably cute cats and kittens, but that doesn’t negate the fact the you’re four years late with your report in this cat-forsaken planet.
C.: Well, I ‘ve been kind of busy, Meow.
M.: Doing what?!
C.: Well, first I was adopted by a kind family in Houston when my spacecraft crashed and I landed outside of Baltimore….
M.: How did you get to Houston, then, if your spacecraft crashed on east coast?
C.: I’m getting to that. I met a nice tomcat named Tom, like my husband on The Planet Of The Talking Cats. This tomcat wasn’t the king of the planet, as my first husband was, but he was a smart cat with a job, so I married him, and he and I had one litter of fourteen kittens. Since I’d never been a mom before, that scared me so badly that I hopped on an eighteen wheeler and jumped off when it got to Houston. I was captured by the evil animal control officer, who put me in The Kennel. Fortunately, my now best human friend, d.c. scot was a nurse at The Kennel, and his next door neighbors and best friends wanted to adopt a beautiful, smart, precocious cat.
After my mom and dad adopted me, I got hooked on catnip, then went to rehab, got out, got a job, got hooked on catnip again, and then met a nice cat who was formerly my arch enemy and married him. My husband Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken is a meowionnaire and has a doctorate in playing and hiding from the College of the Cat Skills. He's also the world cat fighinttg champion is five different heavy weight categories.
and a gentle cat.,\
d.: "Soft kitty,
warm kitty,
little ball of fur!
Happy kitty,
sleepy kitty,
purr purr purr!"
M.: Well, I suppose that, if you’ll have the manuscript for your book on my desk tomorrow by 0900 Zulu time, that will suffice as your report. Good Day, Calculating Einstein Kat, and good luck to you!
C.: d.c., what the heck is Zulu time?
d.: I’d love to answer that question, but we’re out of time for today. Pleas join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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