One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask AliceWhen she's ten feet tall
And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fallT
ell 'em a hookah-smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small
When the men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving low
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said
Feed your head
Feed your head
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Grace Wing Slick
White Rabbit lyrics © Copperpenny Music, Mole Music Co
C.: I you really are from the Houston Police department, what is the population of Greater Houston, according to the last census taken?
It depends on which census you choose to believe. One said about 7.7 million, while and another said only about 7.2 million. I suppose that it depends on what one considers to be “Greater Houston.” I mean, some people consider a larger area to be the metropolis, and others only consider the contiguous counties to Harris County to be the whole metropolis…OPEN THE DOOR!!!
d.: (I’m holding all these drugs, and the HPD officer is getting perturbed. He’ll think that I’m the one who’s asking all these questions. After all, who ever heard of a talking cat? Well, listen to this…)
C.: If you are the HPD, you know that password phrase that my husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken, and I have to know that it’s safe to answer the front door.
What about the back door?
C.: It’s the same phrase, so please say it.
How would I know what it is?
C.: Because my husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken sent it to y’all so y’all would know how to get into Wayne Manor.
d.: (Cal.E. is doing a good job of stalling the HPD officer, but this can’t last for long. The officer may even break down the door at any moment, so I need to act fast. I’m holding these pills in my hand, and I don’t have a prescription for them. I could lose my nursing license for this, or even go to jail.
I’ll flush them down the toilet and be done with it. No, wait, some say that would contaminate the water supply. But, this goes in the sewage, so… I don’t want to think about that right now. I’ll just hide them in my mouth.
OPEN THIS DING DANG DOOR NOW!
C.: Oh, hi, Horace. That really was funny. When did you and Hortense get back from yet another cruise?
Horace: I guess, since you don’t live in my house right next door to my best bud, d.c., you didn’t hear me come in late last night. Hortense's mom was sick, so she had to go stay with her while I went on the cruise by myself. That was tiring, since I had to pose as both of us to get all the benefits of the cruise since It was too late to get a refund for Eudora.
C.: How did you know to come here?
H.: d.c. left me a text saying he would be at Wayne Manor today so I came to talk to him since we haven’t talked face-to-face in ages. Where is he, by the way? Oh, I see him coming out of the bathroom, but it looks as if he has marbles in his mouth.
d.: Horarrrr…ack!
H.: d.c., old buddy, are yo choking? Since you can’t talk, I assume that you are choking, so I’ll just administer three hard blows to your back and…
d.: I wasn’t choking, Horace, I had downers in my mouth and was trying to spit them out, but those back blows made me swallow them. Now what do I do since I need to go to work tomorrow? If I go to the E.r., they may hold me overnight for observation. I only have sixty-two sick days left for the next six months, so I don’t want to take any of them, but I can’t take time of without getting paid.
H.: why were you taking downers, d.c.? Did you miss me that much?
d.: No., Horace. I mean, I did miss you but that's now why I had downers in my mouth... It's a long story and I need to figure out what to do quickly. before theses pills take effect.
C.: I could puke in front of you and make you puke.
d.: No, Cal.E., that won’t work. I’m a nurse at The Kennel. I see that every day, and it doesn’t effect me.
C.: What about some really gross food?
d.: Like what?
C.: Well, when I ate some human catnip at The Kennel, it made me throw up. I felt better then. Maybe real catnip would make a human puke.
d.: It’s worth a shot.
C.: Here you go.
Censored. Let’s just say: problem solved.
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