Cal.E.'s Korner

Live from Cut-N-Shoot Texas, it’s the Joe Groan Show here on KIND/KING Conroe Cut-N-Shoot, all Joe Groan all the time. And now, here’s the number one-hundred and fifth rated radio station in the northeast corner of Southeast Texas, Joe Groan!

JG.: Oh, oh, oh! The closing ceremonies for the Animal Olympics are today, but there are two events that may not end by then, or they might. Ralph and the RoCKats,

fresh off their NIKE tour, are here to play the music for the closing ceremonies. However, it looks like playing the back allies of Navasota, Indians Springs, Klien and Egypt have taken a toll on the RoCKats lead singer and bassist, or he’s been into the catnip again. Too much catnip is a dreadful thing, Ralph. Eat it responsibly or not at all. Just remember

Well, now that Ralph has the right bass,

the closing ceremonies can begin, or maybe not. It may take Ralph a while to remember how to tune his bass.

T. Puppy Katt is leading the way.

She won the baseball throw, catch and bat competition. That’s mainly because she’s the only dog here that was able to do any of those three things. Consequently, she’ll take home all three trophies, the gold, the silver, and the bronze medals. And there are still two events going on.

The first event still going on was the first event in the 2025 Animal Olympics. The tortoise ten-kilometer…run is about to begin the second heat, but the judges must sort out which turtle in the first heat crossed the finish line first.

It looks like tortoise A is going to take that distinction. He sacrifices his shell

to dive for the finish line, a la Bill Bell in the 1997 Hawaiian Ironman distance triathlon. The vets are working on him now. Let's hope his is a better story than Bell's,

because Bell’s time didn’t count. This is because he performed his heroics two minutes after the time limit had expired. Rest in peace, Bill Bell. You were a living legend as the oldest man to cross the finish line in Hawaii within the legal time limit for over a decade.

It looks like Tortoise A is going to take the first heat, though. There are only seven more to go in the first round, folks. Maybe they’ll be done by Halloween or possibly finish and be home for Christmas.

The other event is the Pong tournament,

and it's in its final round. However, the competition is so evenly matched that neither participant,  six-time WACKO Cat fighting champion Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken

and the Electrifying, Lively Awesome Cat fighter otherwise known as the space cat ELAC, intergalactic cat fighting champion of three galaxies

can end the match by winning a game be a deuce.

This match has been going on for over forty-eight hours, and there’s no end in sight. Whichever cat wins, the other cat’s charity will benefit. Good luck to both participants.

d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks.

Please join us tomorrow and see which charity wins the one meow-illion dollars that goes to the charity of the winner’s choosing. Will it be the ASPCA, or the Intergalactic Animal Rights Activists Incorporated? Find out, right here on Cal.E.’s Korner.