C.: I said I KNOW SOMEONE WHO’S VERY POWERFUL! Okay, Ralph, call my cousin by playing your bass (and stop eating catnip before it kills you).
zoom zoom zoom
Boom boom boom boom
Here she comes, that Karate Cat
Coming to vanquish the foe with a mighty blow
So don't be afraid anymore
Cause things won't be like they've been before
"Here I come to save the day!"
Thank goodness Karate Cat is on her way
So let the trumpet players play
For Karate Cat is here today!
Here she comes, that Mighty Cat
Just like a bolt from the blue
With a heart that's true
Fighting evil, fighting crime
And always there in the nick of time
Here she comes to save the day!
And she will prove that crime will never pay
So let the trumpet players play
For Karate Cat is here today!
ELAC.: Hi, Cuz, what’s up?
C.: The Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy, Meow Z. tongue has run into some financial trouble here on earth.
E.: Well, if he’s in financial trouble, why don’t you ask your husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken for help? he has plenty of money. He’s a meowoinaire, and and he’s really sweet on you, Cuz.
C.: I would, but I want T to believe that I can work out my own problems.
E.: Isn’t this someone else’s problem, not your’s?
C.: Yes, well, Meow Z. Tongue is technically my boss, so I need to help him. You and I are from the Cat Galaxy, but T is from this planet. He wouldn’t understand what Meow is going through like you and I do.
E.: How can I help?
C.: Well, Meow owes his catnip dealer a lot of money and he doesn’t have it. I also want this dealer put out of commission so that he doesn’t lead other cat’s astray. Catnip affects cats like us differently from earth cats, and somehow Meow’s dealer knows that. We need to come up with a plan.
E.: Okay, have Meow Z. Tongue, Supreme Ruler of the Cat Galaxy call his catnip dealer and I’ll “deal” with him.
C.: That’s a good idea, but I have a feeling that this dealer is dangerous. He knows more than most other beings on this planet, so he’s smart. He’s also probably a charmer, so if he opens his mouth, you could be in trouble because you’re a catnip addict.
E.: FORMER catnip addict.
C.: There's no such thing as a former addict, ELAC. I’ve learned that from my time working at The Kennel. I’m an addict, too, so I know what I’m talking about.
I could ask d.c. for advice, since he works at The Kennel too. He may have an idea. (Ring)
d.: This is d.c. scot, nurse, author, lyricist and daily blogger….
C.: ( I’m waiting for the beep so I can leave a message, but I don’t hear one).
d.: What do you want, Cal.E.?
C.: Oh, I thought that you let the phone go to voicemail. Anyway, I need your help with a problem
d.: What can I do for my fine feline friend?
C.: Well, Mewo Z. Tongue has run into some financial trouble…
d.: If it’s money you need, you need to ask your husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken. He has plenty of money.
C.: It’s not that simple, and I want to solve this problem on my own.
d.: Well, I just paid for some repairs to my truck, so I don’t know how I can help.
C.: I need ideas, not money, d.c.
d.: Okay. From what I know about drug dealers, most a risk takers. Challenge the dealer to a game of poker and I’ll play him. I made my spending money in college that way.
Have Meow call his dealer and tell him he has a hankering for some C.
C.: Excuse me?
d.: Tell Meow to tell his dealer his needs a nip of the ‘Nip.’
C.: Pardon me?
d.: Hev Meow call his dealer and tell him he wants to catnip.
C.: Why didn’t you just say that?
d.: I thought I did. Anyway, when Meow’s dealer gets here, let him challenge him to a game of Poker for the money that’s owed. The dealer will assume that Meow doesn’t know how to play Poker, since he’s from another planet.
C.: Meow doesn’t know how to play poker, and neither do ELAC and I.
d.: That’s fine, I’ll teach y’all how to play.
C.: Okay, that sounds good. I’ll ask Meow to call his dealer now, and you can play him in a game of Poker.
d.: Now that I think about it, maybe we can entice him with three-to-one odds. I’ll teach you and ELAC how to play poker, and we’ll tell him that we’ll give him three times his money if he wins.
C.: Isn’t that dangerous? I mean, what if we lose?
d.: We won’t. Trust me on that one.
C.: Okay, Meow, how much do you owe your dealer?
M.: one hundred…
C.: Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s BUDDY BONES?!
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