Ralph: A one, a two, a one two three.
Mama, I found someone
Like you said, I took her home
She has no snout
But there's no doubt
The biggest pig I've known
I thought that she
Would help me out
With the laundry and the chores
But there are those
Who won't wash clothes
And guess who's scrubbin' the floors?
Mama she's lazy
Lazier than me
And on my couch
Is where she sits
She's always gonna be
I've never slept that long
She beats all I've ever seen
Mama she's lazy
She's lazier than me
And mama
You always said
Get the lead out of your pants
But that ol' phrase
Don't phase her daze
She's always in a trance
She's hung up on
The movie stars
On the afternoon TV
And now I'm concerned
She ain't worth a dern
And I can't even get her to leave
Mama she's lazy
Lazier than me
And on my couch
Is where she sits
She's always gonna be
She's never swept the floor
Since she swept me off my feet
Mama she's lazy
She's lazier than me
Oooh
Mama she's lazy
She's lazier than me
(End)
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Kenny O'dell
d.: Cal.E. I asked you to write the blog solo yesterday. What happened?
C.: I guess your text didn’t go through, d.c., I’m sorry…oh wait, I just saw it. “Cal.E., I have a great idea for a new book, so I don’t want to stop right now. All I must do is think up a plot, characters and their characteristics, and their backstories. I should also pick a genre. It’s best to start with a name. That’s the first thing I’ll do. Then, I’ll add some plot twists. Since I’m so close to finishing, I want to stay on this hot streak. d.c."
I missed that text. What’s the name of this manuscript, d.c.?
d.: I haven’t gotten that far yet.
C.: It sounds like you’re stuck. I’m sorry I can’t help you, but my LCS is acting up.
d.: I think that your husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken would like to talk to you about that.
Tux.: I have a cure for your LCS, Cal.E.
C.: What’s that, my love? Are you going to continue to pamper me for the rest of my life?
Tux.: No, Cal. E. the cure for “Lazy Cat Syndrome” is HARD WORK!
C.: Tucker, let me explain. There are extenuating circumstances where I’m concerned.…
Tux.: Like what?!
C.: Well, let’s see. There’s the fact that I’m a cat, and I’m lazy…
Tux.: No sweat, my pet. I’ll help you get over the second condition. We’ll start with a five-mile run to warm up with. Then, we’ll hit the heavy bag, and then the speed bag. We’ll hit those two bags repeatedly until we almost drop from exhaustion. Then, we’ll do one hundred pushups and one thousand sit ups.
C.: And then we’re done?
Tux.: No. Then you’ll scrub the floor and all twenty-seven toilets in Wayne Manor. After that, you’ll wash all the food bowls.
C.: Is this like in “The Karate Kid?” You know, “Wax on, Wax off, to help me train for our big championship cat fighting match with The Claw and his paw?
Tux.: No. It’s because the floors and the toilets need scrubbing and the dishes need to be washed, and you haven’t done any housework since you moved in with me.
C.: Who was doing all of this?
Tux.: your cousin, ELAC. She was doing these chores in lieu of rent while she was staying with us. However, she’s busy now, so these will be your jobs for the foreseeable future. Let’s go let’s go let’s go.
ELAC.: Yes, I’m very busy drinking Mint Julips and soaking in the sunshine at this beach side bar while I'm on vacation in Tahiti.
