Cal.E.'s Korner

And we’re here at the Houston Astrodome

with the premier event of the Animal Olympics. The two opponents, Tucker Tucker Two a.k.a. The Cat fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken is about to bump front paws with the Electrifying, Lively, Awesome Cat fighter, ELAC, the intergalactic cat fighting champion of three different galaxies. Now, they’ve bumped paws,

and, ELAC is raising her hands, as if to admit defeat. We’ll ask our ringside reporter, Kitt Katt what’s going on

…well, we may not need to do that. ELAC is asking for the microphone.

ELAC: T, you are a worthy opponent. You are also married to my thirty-third cousin twice removed, whom you treat well. None of these facts constitute a reason for us to fight.

As a pacifist, I only fight when it’s absolutely necessary, and this doesn’t qualify as one of those times. I only fought to save those three galaxies, including this one. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, but I’m not proud of how I needed to do it. Cat fighting for sport is just wrong, so I concede this contest to you. Please be mindful of my words, though, T. You are a large influence on the kittens of the world. Many of the tom cats who were born on this planet hold you up as an example to follow, so I encourage you to stop the madness and join me in my efforts to ban cat fighting for sport once and for all. Thank you and good evening.

T.: Well, I well, hmm…I must discuss this with my wife, but I will give your words a lot of thought, ELAC. You are a brave cat who has taken a stand for something that you believe strongly in, and I respect that. Consequently, I will donate my winnings from all the events I win to a worthy organization of your choosing. Thank you, ELAC. (I still need to shape, though, so I'll go hit the speed bag since we didn't actually fight).

Later

ELAC: Well, that, I’m sure, was anticlimactic for that large crowd at the Animal Olympics

for me to refuse to fight my cousin-in-law, but I must follow my heart and my beliefs. However, I didn’t come 17,000 lightyears to be a spectator, and I’ve already paid my entry fee for these Animal Olympics. I’ll just find another event in which to participate that doesn’t involve violence against a fellow animal.

Well, I could ride the mechanical bull, but that still represents mistreatment of animals. There are other events in which to participate, though. Let’s see,…yes, that’s it! I’ll compete in…

d.: Well, that’s the end of today’s cat tail,

because that’s all the time we have for today. Please join us tomorrow to find out which event at the Animal Olympics a committed pacifist can compete in and keep a clear conscience right here on Cal.E.’s Korner.