The warden threw a party in the county jail
The prison band was there and they began to wail
The band was jumpin' and the joint began to swing
You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone
Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone
The drummer boy from Illinois went crash, boom, bang
The whole rhythm section was a purple gang
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Number 47 said to number 3"
You're the cutest jailbird I ever did seeI
sure would be delighted with your company
Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me"
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock, Rock, Rock
Sad Sack was sittin' on a block of stone
Way over in the corner weepin' all alone
The warden said, "Hey, buddy, don't you be no square
If you can't find a partner use a wooden chair"
Let's rock
Everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Shifty Henry said to Bugs, "For Heaven's sake
No one's lookin', now's the chance to make a break
"Bugsy turned to Shifty and he said, "Nix nix
I wanna stick around a while and get my kicks"
Let's rockEverybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock,
dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock,
dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock,
dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Dancin' to the Jailhouse Rock
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jerry Leiber / Mike Stoller
Jailhouse Rock lyrics © Sony/atv Songs Llc, Elvis Presley Music, Abg Elvis Songs, Carlin Music Corp
C.: Well, my darling youngest queen kitten got me thrown into The Kennel. I was framed, but some people in charge here don’t like me very much, so I may be in here a while. I’ll make good use of my time, though, by continuing to read d.c. scot’s manuscript that he wanted me to proofread. He’s my best human bud, and I have a lot of free time. This is an autobiographical manuscript about training for and competing in an Ironman distance triathlon. The name of the manuscript is BEYOND THE THIRTEENTH MILE: THE IRON MAN CHRONICLES. I’m on chapter twenty-one. You can read along with me if you wish.
CHAPTER 21: THIRTEEN DAYS (LIVING LIFE IN FAST FORWARD)
1955: Run course; mile 20:
I’m really tired. This course is pushing me to my absolute limit, both mentally and physically. I thought training for this race was brutal. I guess sometimes you must live your life in fast forward to be ready for something this challenging, just as in real life when the “rubber meets the road,” so to speak.
I won't think about that film clip of Julie Moss on ABC’s Wide World of Sports, or the story of how Chris Legh cratered less than one hundred yards from the finish line in Hawaii back in 1997. I hope, though, that I don’t have to pull a “Bill Bell'' and dive for the finish line to cross it before the time limit expires…
***
Everyone who has ever seen more than one episode of ABC's Wide World of Sports is familiar with the film clips of Julie Moss, leading the women’s division of the February 1982 Hawaiian Ironman distance triathlon, collapsing within sight of the finish line. After several failed attempts to get back on her feet and start running again, Moss swallowed her pride and crawled across the finish line on her hands and knees. She was passed two steps from breaking the tape. That happened just as Jim McKay’s voice declared, "And the agony of defeat." Her dramatic “crawl to the finish line'' happened after she led the women’s division of the race until she “bonked,” totally exhausted, a few hundred yards from finishing the race in first place. That allowed Elizabeth Pitts to pass her and win the women’s division of the race that year. Most of us have seen this particular film clip and can relate to it on some level. (Wikipedia. 2022). (The then 18-year-old Moss, though, remains a legend to age groupers of all descriptions who badly want to finish the grueling race within the time limit.)
Fewer of us, however, are familiar with the film clips of Chris Legh. After leading for the whole 1997 Hawaiian Ironman, Legh collapsed 100 yards from the finish line, totally exhausted. He never even finished the race, thus destroying his hopes of winning it. The officials were more worried about Legh’s well being and health than him finishing the race. He was severely dehydrated and his electrolytes were out of balance, a condition that may have become life threatening. ( Wikipedia.2022).
Another obscure film clip shows Bill Bell competing in the 1997 Hawaiian Ironman, diving for the finish line and touching it with one finger. Bell did this less than two minutes after the 17-hour time limit had expired. His gallant effort went for naught, though. An official ruling that year not to allow his dramatic finish to count in the record books kept Bell from bettering by one year his own personal record of being the oldest person to have ever crossed the finish line in Kona, and have it count in the record book. After officials conferred, they decided that Bell’s reward was to have a DNF placed beside the 72 year-old’s name, indicating that he didn’t finish the course in the allowed amount of time. This must have been painful for the four-time winner of his age group in Hawaii. However, Bell recovered nicely, finishing the California Ironman distance triathlon in 2002, securing him a place in the record books as the oldest person to finish an Ironman distance triathlon (Triathlete.com.22).
Bell’s record stood until 2005 and was broken again in 2015. The present holder of the distinction of being the oldest man ever to cross the finish line in Kona and have it count in the record books, however, is Hiromu Inada. In 2016, Inada crossed the finish line in Kona almost seven minutes ahead of the time limit as an 82-year-old. Two years later, Hiromu Inada crossed the finish line in Kona as an 85-year-old with more than five minutes to spare. This feat is amazing, because the Japanese wonder didn’t start his training for triathlons until one year after his wife died when he was 69. Hiromu Inada is a determined soul, because he missed finishing the World Championship Ironman Distance Triathlon cutoff times the two years before he set his record of being the oldest person ever to cross the finish line in Kona and have it count in the record books, but he didn’t let that deter him from accomplishing his goal. (Hiromu Inada Will Attempt to Become the Oldest Finisher in Hawaii; Triathlete.com. 2022).
On the female side, the “Iron Nun,” Madonna Buder, holds the distinction pf being the oldest female to cross the finish line in an Ironman distance triathlon within the time limit. Buder crossed the finish line at the Subaru Ironman Canada on August 26, 2012 at the age of 82. Buder was a frequent participant in Kona until her recent retirement from the sport. (Wikipedia. 2022).
The images of Moss, Legh's and Bell’s spectacular failures haunt a tired triathlete's sleeping and resting periods. My hat is off to Bell, however. He remained an active cyclist until the age of 92. Although he passed away in 2020 at the age of 97, he is an ideal role model for those of us who are trying to maintain an active lifestyle at an advanced age. This is mainly because Bell completed over 300 triathlons, including 32 Ironman distance triathlons after starting his training at the age of 59! Bell (or, now, his memory) will forever have my and almost all other triathletes’ undying respect.
For his part, Inada is a living inspiration, because he will attempt to become the first 90-year-old to complete the Hawaiian Ironman distance triathlon in 2022. (Triathlete.com. 2022).
In the back of a competitor's mind, when faced with such brutal dashes of realism as Bell, Moss, and Legh faced, we think, Those people just didn't train quite hard enough. If I just try a little bit harder, or train a little longer, or race smarter (more efficiently), none of those things will happen to me. The reality is that we’re all vulnerable to failure.
Thirteen days before my third attempt at completing a one-half Ironman distance triathlon, though, I knew that I had trained sufficiently. In fact, a mere one month before, coming off my bike at the ''Ride for the Roses," I felt like a two-year-old bull beginning to “feel his oats." Now, however, my legs felt as if they had led in them and my shoulders and feet were sore, which is unusual for not having done a race or a long ride for three or four weeks.
***
There is a period in my work schedule (the first three to four months of the year) that’s called a "rush period." My oldest sister once asked me what that term meant.
“It’s the period when you rush to get to work, then you rush to get your work done, then you rush home so you can get enough sleep to complete another 13- or 14-hour day," I said.
“Oh," said my sibling, the mother of three, as well as a nurse, “that sounds like every day of my life."
***
Thirteen days before my third one-half Ironman distance triathlon, it hit me—for the last three years, I had been “living life in fast forward," just like my oldest sister. Neither of us would rest long enough to recover from fatigue until it would manifest itself in the form of a sinus infection, a migraine headache, or in my case, an overuse injury suffered in training; such as plantar fasciitis or a shoulder impingement.
Realizing this, I seriously doubted that 13 days was enough time to undo what it had taken three years to do. Even if I didn't do anything but walk quickly in a training “run” for two weeks, I doubted that my legs would recover in time to have any spring in them for the race. Add to the equation the ever-present nagging doubts about being under-trained or ill-prepared (especially for a race that requires a long, open-water swim). Beyond that, how do you find a balance between a demanding work schedule, spending time with your family, and training enough to complete a long race? My mind was as tired as my legs were!
To add to the stress, I had unknowingly signed up for a race that was Mother's Day weekend, 500 miles from Brazos. The kicker was that my wife, Nicole, couldn't go. This put a large strain on my brain, because she is the one who usually attends to the details of the race and makes arrangements for housing and meals. That helps me concentrate on the race and not the necessary details that must be taken care of when traveling.
I cut back on my training schedule over the next two weeks, limiting the amount of running I did and cutting back on the distances I swam in the pool and rode on my bike as well. I also stopped lifting weights altogether. This was a hard decision, because I believed that this activity kept me strong at the end of the season, when many of my smaller competitors were succumbing to injury and fatigue. Lifting weights to tone my back and abdomen also helped me be able to resume running, something I hadn’t been able to do for 10 to 15 years.
Limiting my training gave me time to take care of the more important things in my life and eased my mind a little bit. However, two days before the race, on the ride to Florida with two of my training companions, my legs still felt weary. I also thought about the fact that I hadn't really swum in the ocean for two to three years. All the open water swimming I had done recently had been in a lake. Since the swim portion of the race was in the Gulf of Mexico, self-doubt set in.
Then I discovered that I had forgotten two very important things: my swim goggles and my USAT card (my ticket to the race). I bought a one-day pass for the race and purchased a new pair of goggles at the race’s exposition. I also purchased a new wetsuit, one I had been looking for for the past six months. A couple of practice swims renewed my confidence in my open-water swimming abilities. The new suit helped my buoyancy, and a short bike ride with my two companions not only made me feel better, but also gave me an idea.
My strength is in the bike leg, I thought, so, why hold back? I'll end up walking a mile or two on the run course, so it doesn't matter whether it's the first two miles or the last two.
Changing your goggles and wetsuit as well as your strategy the day before a race isn't the best idea in the world, but in this particular instance, it worked. I had a good swim, finishing in the top one-third of my wave. I came out of the water in just over 40 minutes.
I averaged about 19 mph on the bike. This wasn’t quite as fast as I had hoped, but it was a decent speed. I felt great as I started on the run course. However, I had made two critical mistakes. First, I ate too late on the bike, only remembering after eating the last power bar that I had thrown the last one away the year before in Lubbock at the Buffalo Springs Lake triathlon. Secondly, I started the run too fast, after standing in line for the port-a-john in the transition area for five minutes. My original plan was to try to average a ten-minute-per-mile pace on the run course. This would have put me at the finish line in less than six hours, beating my goal time significantly. However, I started the run course in a bit of a rush, being in a state of euphoria.
My first mile went by in under eight minutes, my usual pace on a ten-kilometer run. I tried to slow down for the next two miles, but my heart rate was already elevated, and my brain was releasing endorphins at a phenomenal rate. This resulted in an eight-and-one-half-minute pace for the first three miles. I could feel my stomach start to churn. Up to the turn-around point, I mistakenly thought I could run through the nausea, but I had no such luck. I had to walk for about three miles, allowing one of my traveling companions to pass me, even though he started in the swim wave behind me.
I recovered at the 12-mile mark, running under the finish line wire in six hours and 22 minutes, seven minutes over my aggressive goal. I reasoned that six hours and 15 minutes would be the best that I could do. I did beat my “oh well” goal, the one that I know I can beat, though, by a wide margin.
As I crossed over the finish line, a medical volunteer supported my weight as my head began to spin from nausea. A short trip to the medical tent, where a watered-down blanket and a cool drink helped cool me off, and I was none the worse for wear. I finished far down in the standings, this race being the Southeastern United States’ long course championship triathlon race, but I was still satisfied with my time. After all, I was trying to set myself up to peak in late October, so that I would be at my best for the Ironman distance triathlon.
Races give you the opportunity to slow down, catch your breath, or even quit if you so desire. Real life, however, offers no such refuge. Back in Brazos, with my house up for sale, the weather getting hotter, and everyday life with a family, in general, being in full force without stopping, I was busier than a one-armed wallpaper hanger.
Deep down, I longed for the sanctuary of another race day.