Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly temptation below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: Kittle to the middle. Hop on the stop. Joe on the go…
d.: Cal.E., what are you doing?
C.: I’m preparing to be interviewed. There are a lot of head coaching jobs available in the NFL, and I intend to interview for all of them.
d.: And how, may I ask, are you qualified to coach an NFL team?
C.: I’m undefeated on my dad’s Madden football game.
d.: One that was probably bought at the beginning of this century.
C.: And your point is?
d.: My point is that those games are now a lot more complicated, and having an undefeated record on Madden Football doesn’t qualify you to coach an NFL team. There are many more qualified candidates, so I would be surprised if you even got an interview, much less a job.
C.: I already have one lined up.
d.: With which team?
C.: The Cramdon Calicoes.
d.: That’s not an NFL team, Cal.E.
C.: Sure it is. This is a league that you don’t know anything about. It’s the Nagging Fundamentals Lag league, and I’m going to coach one of the charter teams.
d.: ??!! What are you talking about, Cal.E.?
C.: You know that cats are lazy, as a rule. This league is made up of cats who don’t want to practice, or concentrate on fundamentals. The players just do their own thing, and the team that is the least lazy wins. I think that I can coach these cats to be as productive as I am.
d.: Or they’ll just dropkick you through the goalposts of life, like our theme song says. There are a lot more of them than there are of you, so you’re at a distinct disadvantage, and, as you said, cats are lazy. None will want to work as hard as you do.
(ring)
C.: Excuse me, d.c. I need to take this call. “Yes, sir, Mr. Lombardi. I’ll be that at 900 on the dot tomorrow.”
Well, I have an interview tomorrow with the greatest NFL coach of all time. He’s retiring, and he wants me to see if I’m ready to take his place.
d.: Cal.E, Vince Lombardi has been dead for many years. How could you have an interview with a dead coach?
C.: Not Vince Lombardi. This isn’t your NFL. It’s one for cats, and Lints Lombardi is the greatest to ever coach in this league.
d.: Lints?
C.: Yes, his humans named him “Lints” because he loved to play with the dryer lint when he was a kitten. I think his humans are descendants of your coach, but I’ve never heard of anyone named Vince Lombardi before.
d.: Well, I know how much you value your sleep, Cal.E., and you probably need to be up early tomorrow to get to your interview on time. So, I guess that’s all the time we have for today. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E. 's Korner.