Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am
Make a piece in your master game plan
Free from the earthly tempestion below
I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before
And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door
All the departed, dear loved ones of mine
And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
d.: Cal.E., I need your help again. I need to make another video short of “Sling Bean.”
C.: Didn’t your instructor like the first one?
d.: He liked it fine, but Del Monte wants me to make another one so that they can use it as a commercial. Do you have time to help me?
C.: Sure, but come to Wayne Manor, and we can use my husband, Tucker Tucker Two a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T, Because Triple T Was Already Taken’s stuff. He has some righteous video equipment.
d.: I’ll be right over.
A little later Cal.E. hears a knock on the front door of Wayne Manor
C.: Who is it?
d.: It’s me, d.c., your best human friend. We just talked on the phone nine and one-half minutes ago.
C.: If it’s really you, d.c. scot, my best human pal, author, nurse, lyricist and now short film maker and star, you’ll know the password phrase. That will prove that you aren’t a burglar coming to steal all my husband’s stuff.
d.: Cal.E., open this ding dang door now!
C.: (I wonder why Tucker insisted on using the same password phrase as my mom and dad did?) Oh, hi, d.c., have you been waiting long?
d.: No, but we just talked on the phone, so you knew I was coming. And, what kind of burglar rings the doorbell? Anyway, since it always seems to be raining when I come to your house, would it be okay if I just called from the front of the house? I need to get back to my house and water my yard when it stops raining, so I want to save some time.
C.: You can call, but you’ll still need to say the password phrase.
d. I see that you’ve got the equipment set up. Let’s get started in case the rain stops soon.
C.: Okay, let me go change.
d.c. scot productions, in cooperation with Cal.E.’s Korner and Del Monte, present The Return of Sling Bean, Sling Bean Part Two. Starring d.c. scot, with Cal.E. Kat and featuring T. Puppy Katt as “Whirlwind.” Edited and directed by d.c. scot.
C.: Boy, go an’ fetch me that ther Sling Bean.
Boy: Yes’m Sheriff.
C.: No, not him! That’s Stringbean from Hee Haw. I wants Sling Bean!
Boy: Oh, I’ll be back in a jiffy
C.: Never mind, I’ll find him myself. That shouldn’t be too hard. Him and that ding dang dog o’ his, whirlwind been a slinging and a plantin’ beans all over this here county. He’s a gonna cost me a fortune if’n I don’t stop him. Tarnation! He’s a comin’ ta me!
d.: Howdy Sheriff.
C.: Howdy yourself, Sling Bean. I just wants ya ta knows that I figered out how’s you been a getting’ that there drone ta foller Whirlwind aroun’ an’ plant beans. I know how ta stop it now. I’ll just jam the signal Whirlwind’s collar is a sendin’ ta the drone, tellin it whar she is. When I jams that signal, you’ll be ruined, and I’ll be rich.
d.: Not so fast, Sheriff. I know who you really are. I knows that ya’ used ta be a doctor over thar in Hootin’ Holler, and yas lost your license fir tellin’ all ya patients to eats unhealthy like. Then, ya made a pact wit Big Pharma ta gives ‘em all meds ta makes em feel better.
If’n ya stops me an’ ol’ Whirlwind here, I’ll just direct everyone ta go to that there general store and buy them Some Del Monte Green Beans. If’n they’ll eats them, they’ll be just as healthy as if’n they’d eaten the beans we been slingin.
C.: Well, it looks like someone else knows how to do some detective work. How’d ya figer out who I was, Sling Bean?
d.: That’s easy. I just used the facial recognition app. on my cell phone, fed the information inta my home computer, an’ it tol’ me who ya was!
C.: You may have foiled me this time, Sling Bean, but I’ll be back, badder n’ stronger than ever!
d.: Not unless’n yas start eatin righ, Sherrif. Ya’s gonna feel bad as long as ya’s keeps eatin’ all that food yas picks up off’n tha street. Street food will kill ya deader n’ a door knell,. It'll make yas feel like ya been drop kicked through the goalposts of life, but my food’ll make ya strong an’ healthy, and as fast as whirlwind.
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