She was, most people said, the most innocent creature on the face of the earth: a six-month-old puppy. She was a real cutie, a beautiful dog, most people said. But a classically pretty face and a snow-white coat don’t make a pretty heart with good intentions. She was pure evil, and no one even suspected her.
I was one of the few who knew the truth about my mom and dad’s new addition to the family. She was a killer, pure and simple. One, I suspect that was possessed by an evil spirit. When I looked in her eyes, I saw her intent: to slaughter everything that was within the path of her evil jaws.
Those razor-sharp teeth had served her well. She used them to kill her victims, one by one. What the killer didn’t know was that her victims had been tainted. As she tore open there bodies in the most vulnerable places, she was consuming more and more of the toxic substance that would, eventually, subdue the evil beast. All the victim's bodies had been tainted with the toxic substance, every one of them.
I relaxed. It was just a matter of time before the evil beast succumbed to the toxic substance and subdued herself, and no one would know what had happened. Then, my home, as well as the world, would be safe from the evil beast.
C.: Now, I’ll send this masterpiece of flash-fiction to d.c. He should know an agent that will recognize my brilliance. Soon, I’ll be flush with kibble and cash.
d.c. must be impressed because he’s coming to answer my email in person! “Hi, d.c., did you get my email?”
d.: I did. Cal.E., did you pee in T. Puppy Katt’s kibble bag….AGAIN?!
C.: I plead the myth.
d.?!!
C.: I plead the fact that what you said may be a myth, like humans do in court.
d.: No, Cal.E. Americans are allowed to plead the fifth amendment in court. That amendment to the American Constitution states that a citizen of the United States isn’t obligated to testify in a case if it will incriminate him or her. But, your not a human, and this isn’t a court of law.
C.: Then, I want a lawyer.
d.: For what? I just saw this piece of flash fiction you sent me, and I surmised that you had urinated in T. Puppy’s food again. It was time for me to feed y’all anyway, and I had almost forgotten to do that. Your dad asked me to feed and keep an eye on y’all since they’re on yet another cruise to see the Northern Lights, but I’ve been so wrapped up in this math class I’m taking that I can’t think about anything else. I gather that I should change out T. Puppy’s food before I do anything else, correct?
C.: That may be a good idea, d.c. Let me see the math problem your working on.
d.: I’ve been working on this one problem for six hours, so I don’t think that you can solve it in…
C.: Three.
d.:?!
C.: The answer is three.
d..: Let’s see, if the coefficient of the value of the X axis is c, and the coefficient of the Y-axis is a, solve for c. Hmm. Three works, and that’s what the answer chart in the back of the book says. How did you figure this out so quickly, Cal.E.?
C.: It’s simple. I took the smallest numbers that would work and divided a by c. The least common denominator would be six, so the answer is three, if a equals two.
d.: You really did benefit from staring at the carton of orange juice in Tucker’s refrigerator for ten hours. Before you did that, you could only count to two, and couldn’t do any math at all. Now, you can do complicated math problems in your head. Go figure. Thanks Cal.E. Now, I can go on to question two.
C.: Call or text me if you need any help, d.c. I’ll be glad to tutor you in this math class if you need it.
d.: I’ll do that, Cal.E., but Tucker's saying that’s all the time we have for today. He must have something he really wants to do with you, and I need to go to the store and get some kibble for T. Puppy Kat. Newlyweds!
C. and d.: Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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