Tux.: Oh, hi, Cal.E., come on in. Hi, d.c., are you doing well?
C.: I thought you were training to defend your five heavyweight cat fighting belts. You’re the heavyweight cat fighting champion of the world in five different categories, so why are you watching television, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known as The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known as T Because Triple T Was Already Taken?
Tux.: I’ve been training very hard, Cal.E.
I’m just taking a break. Big Boy got his paws on these bootleg copies of “Nine Lives to Give.” These are the “lost episodes,” or the ones that will never be shown on television, because the show was cancelled before they could be aired. You and d.c. are welcome to watch them with me if you want.
C.: Okay, sure. Now, I’ll finally be able to know what was going to happen on my favorite serial. I’ll go make us some popcorn while you boys talk.
Tux.: So, d.c., did Big Boy rat me out to my wife?
d.: No, not really.
Tux.: Then how did y’all find me?
d.: Cal.E. hired detective J.D. Magruder to find you.
He followed Big Boy here, to Wayne Manor every day for a week. That’s how he knew where you were. Cal.E. knew that you’d hired Big Boy as your personal detail and body guard, so she reasoned that this is where you were. Now, she knows why you didn’t insist that she move in with you here.
Tux.: Why didn’t J.D. just tell her where Big Boy went the first day? She could have figured this out from that information. Cal.E.’s smart.
d.: I think it had something to do with money, like wanting to make more.
Tux.: Yes, that makes sense. Would you like some of my wife’s delicious popcorn that she just brought me, d.c.?
d.: Yes, that smells delicious.
C.: Well, your restrooms are gorgeous here, Tucker. Maybe I should move in here with you, now that I know what you’re doing here…what’s wrong with d.c.? Why is he holding his hands over his throat and not making any sound?
Tux.: IDK, Cal.E. I offered him some popcorn and…
C.: And he’s deathly allergic to it! He must have forgotten, with everything else going on. He doesn’t seem to have his medicine with him. You call 911 while I do rescue breathing.
911 What is your emergency?
Tux.: My friend is in anaphylactic shock. I need an ambulance at Wayne Manor stat!
An ambulance is on its way. Please stay on the line until it arrives. Please monitor the patient closely until then.
Later that same day…
d.: Thanks, y’all saved my life. That popcorn just smelled so good that I forgot that I can’t eat it. Anyway, now we can watch the last episodes of “Nine Lives to Give.”
Tux.: Not now! The Astros-Rangers’ game is starting, and I want to watch every minute of it live. And…it looks like Ralph got free tickets and a free trip to Arlington. I suppose that the Astros are trying to change their luck by having a cat sing their new theme song.
RALPH:
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four
Houston has the Astros
The greatest baseball team
They hit the ball
From line to line
And homer in between
Their pitchers are amazing
Their batters are sublime
They make Rob Manfred miserable
By winning all the time
We’re the…
Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros number one
Two three four
LET’S GO ASTROS!!!
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