Cal.E.'s Korner

d.: (ring). Hi Cal.E. I’m sorry I didn’t call you yesterday, but I was working on a mixed tape to commemorate a monumental occasion.

C.: What’s a mix tape?

d.: Well, in the last century, young men would often record songs on a cassette tape and give it to a girl to show how much he liked her.

C.: What’s a cassette tape?

d.: It’s like an album…

C.: What’s an album?

d.: This.

C.: Oh, a frisbee that plays music?

d.: Yes, kind of. The first deviation from albums was eight-track tapes…

Do you mean that, in the last century, y’all had the most advanced system for keeping records and the greatest video game of all time? I mean, Earth must have had some geniuses in the last century to produce Pong

and eight track tapes. What has happened to Earth’s society? Why is it so backwards now?

d....Anyway, I wanted to commemorate the occasion with a mix tape, so I picked out some appropriate songs.

C.: (Well, I know that d.c. and Eudora’s wedding anniversary is in May, so that’s not it. All three of his sons have birthdays between January and December, so that could be it. Maybe it’s when he and Eudora met and/or went on their first date….d.c. is getting along in years, and he’s been working around rough characters at The Kennel for a while. I’d better check out which songs d.c. picked out for this ‘mixed tape’ thingy.) d.c., may I see your master list of songs you picked out, please?

d.: Well…okay.

C.: Hmm. The first one I would get rid of is this George Strait song. Besides, it’s “That Wasn’t My Chair After All.” Not what you wrote down.

d.: But people sit on stools at bars, usually; not chairs.

C.: True, but this song isn’t about mixed-up lab samples.

d.: I see your point. I’ll get rid of that one.

C.: I guess this one is romantic: If My Nose Was A Roll Full of Nickels, I’d Blow Them All On You.”

However, I’d eliminate anything by the Motor City Madman. Ted Nugent is not a romantic, and his music shows it.

C.: Well, I know that this is your favorite song, but “Dropkick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts of Life,” Isn’t very romantic, I don’t think.

d.: That one stays.

C.: Okay, moving on. I know that George Jones is also one of your favorite singers, but why did you record “Hell is Open All Night?”

d.: Well, it is  a true statement.

C.: Okay, Highway to Hell by AC/Dc….Hell is for Children, by Pat Benatar… these may be good songs, but they seem a little insulting. Why would you record these songs to commemorate a first date, or birthday, or???

d.: Oh, it’s not to commemorate any of those things. It’s about my first day in an educational environment.

C.: I thought you went to grade school and high school at a private school in the suburbs…

d.: I did. And there was no sparkling water, we only got three thirty-minute recess. Oh, the horror! And lunch was only one-half an hour long and the cafeteria didn’t serve filet mignon, steak tartar or even fresh tuna fish. It was six hours of Hell!

C.....That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner for another cat tail(e).