Cal.E.'s Korner

Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum In the morning, Laughing happy fish heads, In the evening, Floating in the soup, Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum Ask a fish head, Anything you want to, They won't answer, They can't talk Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum I took a fish head, Out to see a movie, Didn't have to pay To get it in Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum They cant play baseball, They dont wear sweaters, There not good dancers, They dont play drums Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum Roly poly fish heads are never seen Drinking cappucino in Italian resturants, With oriental women, yeah Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum, (yum!) Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum, Source: Musixmatch Songwriters: Barnes / Fischer

Jodi: (Man, those fish heads were good).Mom! Guess what? I’m getting married to a rich cat! He has people to do his laundry and to cook his food. He also has people to call him when his shower is ready. They make sure that the water is the correct temperature for him, and that he doesn’t stay in the water too long. That can cause wrinkles. He has people to watch out for him 24/7. And he lives in a gated community. Isn’t that great?

C.: (I’ll have my youngest and most unreliable, if cutest queen out of my fur, then). That’s great, Jodi, but I didn’t even know that you were dating someone. Where did y’all meet?

J.: Online. That’s where we met. Fredrico is so busy that online is the only place we can communicate, though.

C.: Fredrico who?

J.: Fredrico Iglesias. He’s a physician, I think. The last two initials behind his name are D.O.

C.: (This sounds like trouble to me). Can you text me his profile, please, Jodi?

J.: Sure.

C.: Let’s see. I knew that sounded familiar. Fredrico does have all those things he told you, Jodi. His real name is FIDO, and he’s a dog, as well as a permanent member of The Kennel. FIDO stands for Fredrico Is Danged Obstinate. He’s on record as the second meanest dog ever caught by animal control. He once bit eight mailmen in one day. That’s the second most of ant dog ever caught. He’s the second most dangerous criminal dog ever. The only dog who ever bit more mailmen in one day than him was the late big, bad, Buddy Bones, my former housemate. This dog is trouble, and he’s tricked you.

So, tell me, Jodi, did you give him any money?

J.: Only enough to cover the expenses for our wedding and honeymoon (or all my life savings).

C.: This sounds for a job for an OIG inspector. I’ll call the best one I know, Jay Magruder. (ring)

JM: Hello.

C.: Hi, Jay, it’s Cal.E., like you, I’m a figment of d.c. scot’s imagination, and I need your help.

JM.: Any friend of my author is a client of mine. What can I do for you, Cal.E, is it?

C.: Yes, I’m a talking cat whose youngest queen has been had by a permanent member of The Kennel. Can you help me?

JM: I’d be glad to, Cal.E. First, though, I must get funding from my largest client, J.R. Logan. He’ll front me with the money, and I’ll act like I’m a naive queen who’s anxious to have a relationship with a rich playboy cat. I’ll tell him that we can only meet online, because my rich parents are too strict to let me date in person. He’ll eat that up. Then, when he’s “on the hook,” I’ll reel him in.

C.: I have just one question, Jay.

JM: What’s that, Cal.E.?

C.: It’s an interrogative statement used to derive information, but that’s not what’s important right now. I need to know, since FIDO is a permanent member of The Kennel, with a life sentence for biting eight mailmen in one day, what his punishment will be if he does get caught.

JM.: This will go on his permanent record.

C.: I see. And will my daughter get her money back?

JM: She’ll get what’s left, after FIDO’s commissary account is charged for the fees to process his permanent record, and my fees are deducted. I’ll also need to pay J.R. back the money he fronted me to trap FIDO, along with the money for my expenses for food, internet access to The Kennel, as well as the fees that will be charged to FIDO’s commissary account to contact me. I’ll also need to money to relax and think while I take in a movie, or a gourmet meal, or some other type of live entertainment.

C.: So, no, huh?