A one, a two, a one two three, four
Houston has the Astros
The greatest baseball team
They hit the ball from line to line
And homer in between
Our batters are amazing
Our pitchers are sublime
They make the commissioner miserable
By winning all the time
W’ere the…
Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Houston Astros
Number one, two three, four
C.: Ralph! That’s not polite!
Ralph: Sorry Mom, but I was just telling the commissioner, Rob (he is NOT a)Man,Fred, that the Astros are the number one seed, since the Braves and the Didgers both got beat!
C.: That’s the wrong finger, Ralph. Anyway, I must call d.c. He’s late to watch the game with us. (ring). Hi, d.c., this is Cal.E. Where are you?
d.: What do you mean?
C.: We were going to watch the Astros’ game together tonight, remember?
d.: Cal.E., the Astros won on Wednesday, so there’s no game tonight.
C.: Oh, silly me. I had to fill in for Ralph at The Kennel Wednesday night. He was touring with Beauty and the Glowfish as their bassist, so he couldn’t go to work, so I didn’t get a chance to watch the game. However, it was a day that ended in “y,” in the third decade of the twenty-first century, and the Astros were involved in the potential penultimate game of a series that was an elimination game. Of course they won, as always. Since they won, I suppose we’re going to the ALCS again?
d.: Yes, that’s correct, Cal.E. The Astros are in their seventh consecutive ALCS in this century.
C.: Who is the opponent? A tomato can, undeserving New York Yankee team, I suppose?
Or is it the commissioner’s other favorite team, the Boston Red Sox?
d.: It’s neither of the commissioner’s pet teams, Cal.E. This year, for the first time ever, two teams from the great state of Texas are going to play each other for the right to go to the World Series.
C.: Do you mean that the Astros are going to play the deserving, talented Rangers, who have classy fans and players (that are almost as classy as the Astros’ players and fans)?
d.: Yes, Cal.E. The Astros are playing the Texas Rangers, starting Sunday at seven fifteen p.m. And, the commissioner’s other pet team, the Los Angeles Dodgers, have been eliminated. The Red Sox and the Yankees didn’t even make the playoffs this year.
C.: It’s amazing what can happen on an “even playing field.”
d.: What do you mean, Cal.E.?
C.: Well, when the umpires started checking pitchers’ gloves for “foreign substances” between innings, and the commissioner stopped letting the players watch their at bats during the game, making it very easy to steal signs (as most people are now aware happened on every MLB team), the Astros kept winning, whereas the Yankees and Red Sox didn’t even make the playoffs. Additionally, the Dodgers were eliminated in three games by the wild card Arizona Diamondback, a team the Astros swept the last weekend of the regular season to win the AL West pennant.
d.: Hmm. I had’t thought about that.
C.: Do you have any predictions, d.c.?
d.: Yes, Cal.E., since we’re playing the Texas Rangers for the right to go to the World Series, I predict that a team from Texas will represent the Americn Leauge in the World Series. I also predict that it will be a hard-fought series, and the team that wins will be deserving of going to the World Series. I further predict that the winner of this series will be the odds-on favorite to win the World Series. And, I predict that, no matter what happens, Rob (he is NOT a) Man,Fred will somehow find a way to mention the 2017 World Series, and the fact that the Astros’ first world championship is tainted, probably by saying not to mention it several times.
Now, do you want to hear how Nine Lives to Give was supposed to end?
C.: Not now, d.c. I’m too wound up to listen. LET’S GO ASTROS!!!
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