d.: Well, I know that you didn’t show up for work last night at The Kennel. The sergeant on duty said that you were taking some “personal time.” I’m not trying to be nosy, I just want to know if you need anything.

C.: No, I’m fine.

d.: Well, if you’re just being stoic and trying to hide your pain, I can understand that. However, if you need something from the store, just tell me. Eudora didn’t have time to go to the store this week, but we have almost everything we need. I only needed one thing from the store, but that one item was enough to meet the thirty-five dollar limit to have our groceries delivered to our house for free. Since I live right next door, I’d be happy to bring you whatever you need.

C.: d.c., firstly, when have you ever known me to be stoic? And secondly, what one item from a grocery store costs thirty-five dollars. Did you buy a box of steaks?

d.: No.

C.: A case of imported, high-quality beer?

d.: No.

C.: Well, it wouldn’t be a case of cigarettes, either, because you don’t smoke. I give up. What item did you buy that costs that much?

d.: A small box of generic cereal (but the economy has recovered so well).

C.: ???!!! I think you may have helped me make up my mind.

d.: About what?

C.: Well, you know that Tucker moved into Mom and Dad’s house with me and my kittens, but he wants to go back to his house and take me with him.

d.: Where does Tucker live?

C.: Do you know those estate homes in our neighborhood that you say are helping keep up our houses’ property values but are also driving up our taxes?

d.: So that a “public servant” can own two mansions? Yes, I know those homes. Why?

C.: Tucker lives in one of them.

d.: The one on the left, or the one on the right?

C.: Facing which way?

d.: From our street.

C.: The one on the left…

d.: Tucker lives in Wayne Manor?

C.: Yes, his dad got a great deal on it when Bruce Wayne died and his son disappeared.

d.: Oh, yes, I remember that. It was about the time that everyone stopped posting Batman sightings on social media. That was weird. I guess Tucker’s going to use the ten million dollars he won cat fighting to live on.

C.: No, Tucker has plenty of money, so he gave that money to Tom’s favorite charity, Pets without Parents. That was the deal, Tucker got to keep all five of his championship belts if he would give the prize money to Tom’s favorite charity.

d.: You mean cat fighting isn’t real?

C.: What planet have you been living on?

d.:J.K., Cal.E. And Pets without Parents is a good organization. A lot of the cats and dogs they help don’t return to The Kennel, once they go through their two-step program.

C.: Yes. Like me, two is as high as most animals can count. Anyway, Tucker wants me to move in and be the “Queen of Wayne Manor.”

d.: That sounds enticing.

C.: Really? I would be obligated to make sure that the maids clean the whole house properly, and the cooks don’t poison our food, as well as see that the pool company cleans the Olympic pool every week. I only have twelve hours in a day to do all of that.

d.: What about the other twelve hours?

C.: I must get my beauty rest.

d.: Okay, but what about the lawn crew?

C.: Tucker mows the grass with a reel mower. He thinks it helps keep him in shape.

d.: It would. I had one of those at one time. Using a mower without an engine to propel the blade is real work. I did it on a five-thousand square foot lawn. Wayne manor’s yard must be two or three acres.

C.: It is. It helps to give us privacy…

d.: Oh, speaking of which, are the rumors I keep hearing about the family that lives in the house on the right all true?

C.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.

Cal.E.'s Korner

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