d.c. the announcer: Hello and welcome to this edition of the World Association of Cat fighting and Other stuff championship round of cat fighting. Today, WACO presents a challenge fight between the original Triple T, Tom the Tabby, and Calculating Einstein (Cal.E.) Kat, and all fourteen of her kittens? This should be interesting. It should be Cal.E.’s new husband’s fight. He’s five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known as the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname). But he’s disappeared from Cal.E.’s vista for the last several days.
If Cal.E. wins, she doesn’t owe anything to Tom the Tabby. Her bill for the one million dollars interest on the money she stole from Tom will be wiped clean. If she loses, though, it’s curtains for her, her kittens, her husband, five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. the cat fighter formerly known as the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) (if we ever find him), me, and well, me again. Let’s go to the ring for the opening announcements and the national anthem played by none other than Cal.E.’s son Ralph.
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight, O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming? And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: John Charles Edward Swihart / John Smith / Francis Key
Star Spangled Banner lyrics © Theodore Presser Company, Integrity's Hosanna! Music, Fox Tunes Inc, Tcf Music Publishing Inc, Experience Hendrix Llc.
d.c. the referee: Thank you, Ralph, for that…unusual version of the national anthem. Now, for the main event.
Ladies and Gentlemen, cats and other animals of all ages, let’s get ready to RRRRRUMBLE!!! We have a grudge match between two warring families for your entertainment tonight.
And now, to introduce the participants of the event. In the orange corner, weighing in at eleven and one-half pounds, the original Triple T, TOM THE TABBY!!
And, in Cal.E.’s Korner, weighing in at a combined weight of forty-two and one-half pounds, or the weight of the kitten’s stepfather when he’s not in shape to fight, Calculating Einstein Kat
and her fourteen kittens.
d.c. the announcer: And it looks as if the original Triple T has agreed to the terms of this fight. It is cat fighting, so anything goes. Cal.E. rounded up all fourteen of her kittens to help her fight the evil Triple T. Well, actually, it’s more like Cal.E. and her one dozen kittens, since Ralph is a musician and a pacifist, and Jodie is, well, Jodie. Actually, the other eleven kittens beside T.J., aren’t much help either, so it’s more like Cal.E. and T.J. against Triple T. (ding)
Round one is about to begin. And it looks like Cal.E. and T. J. are going to try to win this fight, but they aren’t doing so well against the dirty, despicable Triple T. He’s using all the dirty antics he’s learned over the years. He’s tripping, clawing and biting, but it’s a cat fight, and anything goes. The other thirteen kittens are standing around, arguing over who should go into the ring and…(ding) That’s the end of round one, and I have it scored for Triple T.
Okay, now round two is starting (ding) and Cal.E. and T.J. look like they are being a little more aggressive. Cal.E. is using her feminine whiles while T.J. sneaks up behind and, no!
He’s getting some help from T. Puppy Katt, and....
Dr. Buddy Bones?
I thought he’d gone on to the next realm! But, Cal.E.’s kittens are keeping them at bay. But, in the ring, Triple T turned the tables on the two noble cats.
He has T.J. in a headlock, and now T.J.’s going to the mat One, two (ding). That’s, thankfully, the end or round two, and, oh my!
Tonight it's very clear
'Cause we're both lying here
There's so many things I wanna say
I will always love you
I would never leave you alone
Sometimes I just forget Say things I might regret It breaks my heart to see you crying I don't wanna lose you I could never make it alone I am a cat who will fight for your honor I'll be the hero you're dreaming of We'll live forever Knowing together That we did it all for the glory of love You keep me standing tall You help me through it all I'm always strong when you're beside me I have always needed you I could never make it alone [Chorus] I am the man who will fight for your honor I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of We'll live forever Knowing together That we did it all for the glory of love It's like a knight in shining armor From a long time ago Just in time I will save the day Take you to my castle far away I am the cat who will fight for your honor I'll be the hero that your dreaming of We're gonna live for ever Knowing together That we did it all for the glory of love We'll live forever Knowing together That we did it all for the glory of love We did it all for love We did it all for love We did it all for love We did it all for love
It’s the King of the WACO organization, five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The Cat Fighter Formerly Known as the Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) and…the whole word, or is it just the people who were tired of standing in line at Wal Mart?
Well, it is cat fighting, so anything goes. No! Tucker is waving off the crowd. He’s indicating that he wants to fight Triple T one on one!
And..(ding) There’s the bell. We’re starting round three. Tucker is taking it to his former best friend. He lands a left, then a right, a combination, and…down goes the Tabby! Down goes the Tabby! Down Goes the Tabby! Ladies and gentlemen, cats and other animals of all ages, Tucker, Tucker Two has defended his wife’s honor, saved my life and my life, and retained all five of his WACO belts. The world is safe for another day!
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