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8.2M "You Never Even Call Me By My Name"
Well, it was all That I could do to keep from crying' Sometimes it seemed so useless to remain But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin' You never even call me by my name You don't have to call me Waylon Jennings And you don't have to call me Charlie pride And you don't have to call me Merle Haggard anymore Even though you're on my fighting' side [Chorus:] And I'll hang around as long as you will let me And I never minded standing' in the rain But you don't have to call me darlin', darlin' You never even called me by my name Well, I've heard my name A few times in your phone book (hello, hello) And I've seen it on signs where I've played But the only time I know I'll hear "David Allan Coe" Is when Jesus has his final judgment day [Repeat chorus] [Recitation:] Well, a friend of mine named Steve Goodman wrote that song And he told me it was the perfect country & western song I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was Not the perfect country & western song because he hadn't said anything at all about mama, Or trains, Or trucks, Or prison, Or getting' drunk Well he sat down and wrote another verse to the song And he sent it to me, And after reading it, I realized that my friend had written the perfect Country & western song And I felt obliged to include it on this album The last verse goes like this here: Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison And I went to pick her up in the rain But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck She got run ned over by a damned old train [Chorus:] And I'll hang around as long as you will let me And I never minded standing' in the rain No, a' you don't have to call me darlin', darlin' You never even call me Well I wonder why you don't call me Why don't you ever call me by my name
d.: Cal.E., why are you hiding under your mom and dad’s bed and listening to a sad country music song?
C.: Because the Texas Tandem Times Two knows how I feel.
d.: ??!! That song is sung by David Alan Coe. It may be his most famous song of his career. It was written by the late folk singer John Prine and Steve Goodman. How are the Texas Tandem Times Two, and why do you think this song tells how you feel?
C.: The Texas tandem Times two is made up of musicians from different Texas Locales. The lead singer and bassist…
d.: You mean bassist.
C.: That’s what I said. The lead singer, who also plays a stringed instrument, is named Dallas and lives in Austin. The lead guitarist and back up vocalist is from Dallas. His name is Houston. The drummer is from Houston, his name is Austin, and the keyboardist’s name is Antonio. He’s from Brownville.
d.: Brownsville?!
C.: Yes, and these men know how I feel. This is the type of songs that my band, the RoCKats is going to sing from now on, if I have nything to say about it. 'm the leader and the lead yowler, so I'll make the other band members yeowl these songs.
d.: Why do you say that these band members know how you feel, Cal.E.?
C.: Because my intended, Tucker, Tucker Two has never even called me by my name, so, I cannot marry him next weekend.
d.: What does Tucker call you?
C.: Cal.E.
d.: That’s what I call you, because that is your name!
C.: No, my name is Calculating Einstein Kat. Tucker has never called me that. He’s called me honey, pretty cat, “hey you” when we were fighting, and, usually, he calls me Cal.E. He’s never called me by my real name, though.
d.: I think you may just have a case of the pre-wedding jitters. Everyone gets those before they get married. Besides, my name is Dane Christian Scot, and Eudora just calls me d.c., like you do. My family calls me Christian, but in academic circles and at work, I’m usually known as Dane.
C.: Wow! Talk about an identity crisis!
d.: No, not really. Where I was born and raised in the Deep South, a lot of boys go by their middle names at home and their first names everywhere else. Usually, the first boy’s name is his father’s name with a “Junior” added to the end. Calling those boys and young men by their middle names at home avoids confusing them with their fathers.
C.: Thanks for the onomatology lesson, d.c., but I’ve got bigger problems. Tucker has invited his mother to live with us when we gat married, and he thinks I’m well-versed in dementia. She’s spry as a spring chicken, but looney as one, too. And…you refuse to help me with my problem!
d.: The problem is of your own making, Cal.E. I’m sure if you come clean with Tucker, he’ll forgive you for telling him that you run The Kennel and are well-versed in dementia. As the five-time heavyweight cat fighting champion of the world, Tucker has plenty of prize money. He can use that money, as well as the money he earns from shaking down other cats for Tom the Tabby to put his mother in a good rest home. That would be the best solution in my opinion.
C.: Or…
d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another edition of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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