As the midnight moon, was drifting through
The lazy sway of the trees
I saw the look in your eyes, lookin' into mine
Seeing what you wanted to see
Darlin' don't say a word, cause I already heard
What your body's sayin' to mine
I'm tired of fast moves
I've got a slow groove
On my mind
I want a man with a slow hand
I want a lover with an easy touch
I want somebody who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
I want somebody who will understand
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand
On shadowed ground, with no one around
And a blanket of stars in our eyes
We are drifting free, like two lost leaves
On the crazy wind of the night
Darlin', don't say a word, 'cause I already heard
What your body's sayin' to mine
If I want it all night
You say it's alright
We got the time
'Cause I got a man with a slow hand
I got a lover with an easy touch
I got somebody who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
I found somebody who will understand
When it comes to love, I want a slow hand
If I want it all night
Please say it's alright
It's not a fast move
But a slow groove
On my mind
'Cause I got a man with a slow hand
I got a lover with an easy touch
I found somebody who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
I found somebody who will understand
I found a lover with a slow hand
Oh, lover with the slow hand
And I get all excited with his easy touch
I found somebody who will spend the night
Not come and go in a heated rush
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: John Bettis / Michael Clark
Slow Hand lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
C.: d.c., wasn’t the reason we started writing this blog to let people in the outside world know what happens in places like our human kennel?
d.: Yes, that’s true, Cal.E. When we started writing this blog, that was the main purpose of it, because cell phones, cameras and recorders are forbidden in almost all human kennels. Even though we work in a pre-release facility, There are still some inmates, I believe, that should never be let into the free world.
C.: Like who?
d.: Well, a couple of years ago, one of our (very large) inmates was released, even though he had been convicted of murder. He was interviewed on a cable network show entitled “ I am a Killer.” He admitted that he still had the desire to kill when someone annoyed him to the extreme. Some people get a kick out of doing this, even if that person is small and the other person, like this guy: 6’6” and weighing 285 pounds is much larger and stronger. He also had a bad temper, and the only person who could conceivably stop him was his advocate, who had agreed to keep an eye on him when he was released.
C.: So, there was someone who could stop him.
d,.: Not really. The advocate was an eighty-year-old lady who may have weighed one hundred pounds, soaking wet. She would only be able to stop him by reminding him that he may go back to prison for life if he committed another murder. Otherwise, she would have needed a high caliber gun to stop him.
C.: He’s out, and I haven’t seen a giant on our facility lately, so I supposed that he’s doing well. What other criminals do you think should remain in prison for life, d.c.?
d.: My opinion carries about as much weight as yours does with the parole board, Cal.E., but that’s by design. Medical people get along with some inmates better than others, and the parole board doesn’t want to know who our favorite patient (or least favorite patient) is. That’s why we’re told not to look up the offense the inmate committed, so that we’ll treat them all the same way.
C.: I’ve heard you say in the past, though, that you could tell what an inmate’s offense was by the way he acted.
d.: After ten years working at The Human Kennel, I have a good idea. For instance, drug addicts get really offended when their medications are denied. However, if that inmate serves a lot of time and is in recovery from drug addiction the whole time, he (or she) can be quite pleasant to deal with. Sex offenders, on the other hand (especially pedophiles) are charming from the time you make their acquaintance. After a while, I can tell who those are without much trouble.
Con artists are as good on the inside as they are on the outside, but one of my favorite stories is about the man who, I assume, was a street magician…
C.: Why do you say that, d.c.?
d.: Because he had the quickest hands I had ever (not) seen, and nobody else had either. He was so quick that he once took a pen away from an officer while he was writing with it, and the officer had no idea who had taken his pen.
Unfortunately, this man was also a thief and an alcoholic. Even though he wasn’t paralized, he insisted on riding around in a wheelchair. That’s where he kept his stash. He was so quick that he could take the covers off the hand sanitizers and replace them without anyone seeing him do it. Then he would add salt to the hand sanitizer and drink it. It is 99% alcohol, and he had a problem getting over his addiction.
Unfortunately for Mr. Quick Hands, he dropped the cover of the hand sanitizer one day while my partner and I were administering insulin to about one-hundred people. He then hurried out of the medical department, but he had been caught by the security officer. He was transferred to another unit and there is now crime scene tape encompassing all the hand sanitizer containers on our unit.
C.: Oh, I’ve been wondering about that since I started working at The Kennel. I also wonder if we could continue this conversation tomorrow, since I need to be at work in a few short hours.
d.: You have six and one half hours before you go to work, Cal.E.
C.: Like I said, I have a few short hours to take a catnap and groom myself obsessively before going to work!
d.: So I guess I will see you and our audience tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.
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