Get me a ticket for an aeroplane Got to get on the Wheel of Torture game I just got to win Spin the wheel again Oh, Santa, pick me a letter ("Bankrupt"? What do you mean "bankrupt"?) I don't care how much money I got to spend Can't stand to look at Pat Sajak again Won't throw in the towel Till I buy a vowel Oh, Santa, pick me a letter (Hey, man! What do you mean there's no F in "phone"?) Santa pick me a letter, No one does it any better I dream about you (Hey, Santa, is that an all-over tan or what?) Santa, I don't understand Why you make 100 grand Not for me to say Anyway Get me a ticket for an aeroplane Gonna be on the Wheel of Fortune game I just got to win Spin the wheel again Oh, Santa, pick me a letter
d.: Unbelievable! Just because I called Cal.E.’s team’s chief competition “dogs,” I got kicked out of the Cat Skills Games. Apparently, that’s the unpardonable sin, according to the officials in the competition. Oh well, I might as well watch “Wheel of Torture.” It’s being staged at the human kennel where I work this week. I know that guy, he’s not the sharpest stick in the drawer!
Host: And there are no more consonants, so, do you want to buy a vowel, or solve the puzzle?
Contestant #1: I want to buy a vowel, dude.
Host: Okay, the letters that have been revealed are S_NT_ CL_US. What letter do you want to buy, contestant number one?
#1: I want to buy an “E.”
Host: An “E”? Are you sure?
#1: Yes, give me an E!
Host: Sorry, there are no ‘’E”s in this puzzle. Security officer, tell him what the consequences are.
Officer: Well, you’ve just earned a month on restrictions! For the next thirty days, you cannot go to work—
#1: Can I have visits from my family?
Officer: Yes. You may also go to the rec. yard and the day room to watch T.V., and you may get all your commissary and shower at the appropriate time. You may not, in any circumstances, go to work, though. Do you understand?
#1: Bummer, dude, but I’ll just live with the consequences (I don’t get paid to work anyway, even though I’m required to do it.)
Host: Okay, contestant number two, do you want to risk those consequences, or do you just want to move on to the next puzzle?
Contestant #2: I want to solve the puzzle.
Host: Okay, go ahead.
#2: Who is Santa Claus?
Host: This isn’t Jeopardy. You don’t have to phrase the answer in the form of a question. However, you are correct. Now, security officer, tell him what he’s won.
SG: One month of freedom! For the next thirty days, you may go to work and class, and shower at the appropriate times!
#2: Can I have family visits?
SG: No
#2: What about commissary?
SG: No, and you may not go to the day room to watch television, either. You must work for thirty straight days without a day off.
d.: Oh, man, I almost forgot. Horace and Hortense brought home a a new puppy when they came home from their trip. I guess Cal.E. wasn’t totally off base when she said they would be bringing home a baby. But, they’re celebrating their anniversary tonight. They asked me to check on the puppy before I turn in for the night, so I’ll need to stop watching this show and end the blog right here because the puppy is probably looking for me by now.
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