C.: Hi, Tucker. I’m just calling to let you know that I want to take you up on your offer of enjoying some stinky garbage, catnip and a ride on my bike. Call me back…oh, his Tucker, what are you doing?
T.: I’m sorry I didn’t answer the phone when you rang, my delicate flower. I was working on my doctoral dissertation.
C.: I always wondered why you talked the way you do, Tucker. Now, the accent is gone, and your working on a post graduate degree after you obtained a master’s from the college that produced such authors as Eudora Welty, William Faulkner, and John Grisham, after he got his undergraduate degree from a superior university, of course.
T.: I just talked that way to make Tom happy and to make people think that I’m tough. I just got carried away with our last conversation. May I ask where you went to obedience school, my diligent dilettante?
C.: Let’s…not talk about school and education right now. I want to get to know you better first. I’ll just say that it will remain a mystery until you charm it out of me, big guy.
T.: Well, okay, but you owe me. You already know about my education…
C.: How rude of me. I don’t know where you plan to get your PhD. From Tucker. Where are you studying for that?
T.: The College of the Catskills has an online program. If a cat is smart enough to find the program, he (or she, as the case may be) can then proceed to the curriculum. It isn’t an easy curriculum, but, if I work hard and keep my nose to the grindstone, I’ll be Dr. Tucker, Tucker, Two by this time next year!
C.: And what are you studying, Tucker?
T.: Is you deef, or sumtin’? I tol’ you, da catskills…I mean, I’m studying to be a more skilled cat all around, madam.
C.: I hope you don’t slip into your previous persona on our date, Tucker. I much prefer the well-educated version of you. He’s much more charming and easier to talk to.
T.: Your wish is my command, me lady. Shall we say eight?
C.: It’s a date
Later that same night
C.: Tucker, I feel I must tell you something. I enjoyed that garbage, but I’m ‘on the wagon’ when it comes to catnip. I went to rehab last year, and I’ve been fifteen months sober. I don’t want to blow that. Do you understand?
T.: I do. And, in honor of you, and so that I won’t crash that pretty bike of yours while I teach you, I’ll forgo the pleasure myself. Your company and the feel of the open road will be all the pleasure I need to imbibe in tonight. Now,
Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims And strap your hands 'cross my engines Together we could break this trap We'll run 'til we drop, baby, we'll never go back Oh, will you walk with me out on the wire? 'Cause, baby, I'm just a scared and lonely rider But I gotta know how it feels I want to know if love is wild Babe, I want to know if love is real Oh, can you show me
C.: Wow, a scholar, and a musician. I hit the jackpot. Hey, Tuck, if you’d like, me and my all girls band are playing a big venue tomorrow night. I would be honored if you would come as my guest.
T.: Where are youse gals playin’? I mean, what venue are y’all blessing with your presence, my vison of loveliness?
C.: It’s our biggest venue yet! We’re playing the K.C. hall in Guy! (or behind it in the alley, but still…)
T.: Dat’s da big time, alright. Me an da’ my boys would be honored to be in the presence of greatness…
C.: Tuck, if you don’t mind, I would prefer that it just be you. I don’t want to play in front of a bunch of strange cats. It would be intimidating.
T.: Den, it’s a date. I need to get back ta woirkin’ on ma dissertation, so I’ll drop ya’s off, kiss your front paw, and bid you farewell, madam, before I walk back to my humble abode.
C.: Tucker, I’ll see you tomorrow, but please try to stay the educated cat, and not Tom’s henchman, okay?
T.: I will reiterate, your wish is my command. Good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow.
C.: Er…Goodnight, sleep tight..
T.: Stop right there! I don’t want to think about bedbugs tonight!
***
C.: Oh, a cat after my own heart. Tomorrow should be interesting. Maybe I’ll pull Tucker up on stage and let him sing with my band. He can do everything else. I’ll bet he’s good at caterwauling, too.
Tune in tomorrow, folks, and see if the former archrivals join forces
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