d.: On Earth’s mirror planet HTRAE, Elac has been charged with coming up with the calculations to get the evil Dr. Buddy Bones to the planet Earth in the spacecraft he invented, engineered and built. Elac is a master mathematician, but she suspects that the evil genius is up to no good. So, she attempts to thwart Dr. Bones’ attempt to get back to Earth by giving him the wrong calculations. She believes the calculations she made will get Buddy close enough to the earth that he won’t suspect he is off course during his voyage, but he should narrowly miss his target, thus being thrust into space with no hope of ever landing on a planet. The evil genius will then spend the rest of his days hurtling through space, threatening no one. Let’s see what’s happening on our mirror planet.
Elac: Now, all I must do is strap this little mouse that I ordered for my lunch and put the paper with my calculations to get Dr. Buddy Bones back to Earth in the spacecraft with him. Then, Earth and its inhabitants will be safe from the evil genius that is trying to destroy their planet. There, all strapped in. Now, to put the paper in the rocket and send these two on their way. Granted, the mouse will spend the rest of his days hurtling through space, but I’ve set up a fake transmitter at my house that will make Buddy Bones believe that the mouse and the experimental spacecraft have landed safely on our mirror planet. After he’s satisfied that the test flight was a success, he’ll load into his spacecraft, never to be heard from again. It’s a brilliant, infallible plan.
“Okay, little mouse, I know this may seem cruel, but I’ve packed enough cheese in this spacecraft to last you for the rest of your life expectancy. And, you must admit that this is much better than being a cat’s lunch.”
Now, all I must do is fire up the engine and, voila! The world is safe from the evil Dr. Buddy Bones. What a beautiful sight. Oh, wait, which calculations did I put in the spaceship? Where are the calculations that I made to send Buddy Bones hurtling into space, never to be heard from again? I know that they are around here somewhere…
Meanwhile, back on Earth…
Cal.E.: My fiance, Tucker Tucker Two says that, since the government, the venue and d.c. took so much out of his prize money for his cat fight with Tom the Tabby, he needs to make one more score so that we will be set for the rest of our lives. He and Tom made a killing in the stock market, but Tucker did the calculations. He says that for two cats to live in luxury for all nine of our lives, he’ll need one more big score. He and Tom are going to manipulate the stock market again. Tom is a genius when it comes to playing the market, especially when he has Tucker broadcasting on his website that certain stocks are in trouble and their value will fall. Since Tucker has aver one million followers, that will create panic that the stocks will soon be worthless, and people will want to sell their stocks in those companies quickly, dropping the price of the companies stocks. Then, Tom comes in and buys all the stock for those companies at a reduced price, and Tucker goes on his website and says that he made a mistake, and the stocks are still good. After they do that, Tom sells all of his new shares of stock at a huge profit, and he and Tucker split the earnings. It sounds like a solid plan, but d.c. says that what they’re doing is illegal. He says that, if they get caught manipulating the stock market, they could both spend the rest of their lives in the kennel.
On the one paw, I have an obligation as a concerned citizen to report these two. On the other paw, Tucker is my fiance, and whatever he makes on these deals will be one-half mine when we get married. Even d.c. said that there is a minuscule chance that two cats will get caught manipulating the stock market. Can you imagine the sheriff’s department believing that one cat is calling them to report that two other cats are planning criminal activity to take over the stock market and make a lot of money? They will probably think it’s a prank. Still maybe I should give it the old obedience school try, just so that I can say I did try to do something about it, if I’m questioned by the authorities. They may question me if those two get caught, since I'm Tucker's fiance. Let's see, the sheriff’s department number is… Oh, wow! What is that up in the sky? It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…
d.: Well, that’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner,