C.: Hi, d.c What are you up to?
d.: I'm lifting weights. Then I'm going to the gym and doing a cardio workout if I can find a parking space that is close enough to the front door. I will also start on a special diet... tomorrow.
C.: Why the interest in physical fitness, all of a sudden? Is this part of your New Year's Resolutions?
d.: No, Cal.E. It's not. I don't usually make those. I'm trying to get in shape to play college football!
C.: Excuse me?
d.: Yes, I still have four years of eligibility left, since I never hit the playing field during my college career. I reason that, with all the Covid stuff going on, either Georgia or Alabama will need replacement players for the CFP championship game. I will stand at the ready, like E. King Gill of Texa A&M twelfth man fame! I registered for online courses at both schools to try to accomplish this. Whichever school needs me I will play for. I will drop the classes at both schools once the game is played, though.
C.: I see. You do know that, at one time E.King Gill was an Aggie football player who just did not make the traveling squad to play in the 1922 Dixie Bowl don't you? He WAS a member of the Aggie basketball team when Aggie football coach Dana X. Bible called him down from the press box to stand at the ready when the Aggies lost multiple players. Also, isn't the reason you have not used your college eligibility because you were never offered a scholarship to play football?
d.: Yes, but since then, I have completed an IronMan triathlon. I am sure that I can play on a college-level now!
C.: Okay, sure. You do realize that was twenty years and two knee surgeries (among other things) ago? That was also when you had less than ten percent body fat and basically had to eat every hour while you were awake to maintain your weight because of your high metabolism and muscle mass, don't you?
d.: And your point is?
C.: Never mind. What position do you think you will play, if called upon?
d.: I can play any position in the O-line or D-line. I can also play safety, tight end, or running back. My shoulder is too messed up to play quarterback, and my knees will not let me play wide receiver or cornerback... or maybe not running back, either. Tight end may be out as well. Maybe not safety, either, now that I think about it. Any position in the line or linebacker, though.
C.: Aren't most O-linemen like, seven feet tall with 10-15 percent body fat? And don't most of them run almost as fast as a running back?
d.: They aren't quite THAT tall (but close). My knees may keep me from playing linebacker, too. I guess I will just be a D-lineman, then.
C.: d.c, did they even HAVE hard plastic helmets when you played high school football?
d.: Yes, OF COURSE they did...they just weren't very good (what were we talking about again?)
C.: d.c. You have been working on both sides of the kennel for weeks on end. How much sleep have you had?
d.: Sleep is overrated. I don't need sleep, because I am the KING, baby. The king of Rock-and-Roll, Freddie!
C.: Why don't you just get some rest now, d.c? Maybe things will be more clear to you after you do that.
d.: Sure, Cal.E. I will just give up on my dream of EVER playing college football.
C.: That's all the time we have for today, folks. Tune in tomorrow for more of Cal.E.'s corner, with Cal.E. Kat and d.c. scot (I hope).
Comments