C.: d.c. is back with me today. Hi, d.c., how is your family?
d.: I would NOT know, Cal.E. I haven't seen anyone in my family for a couple of days.
C.: Why?! I thought that you took yesterday off to be with your family. What happened?
d.: That WAS the plan. However, I got called into work on my days off.
C.: What was so important at work?
d.: It was basically a misunderstanding that could have been remedied with a phone call to the vet. Instead, they called me because they did not want to bother the vet on the weekend.
C.: Tell us what happened, then, d.c.
d.: As you know, Cal.E., in addition to being an author, I am also a nurse at the rehab facility where you were put by your parents to overcome your catnip addiction. That IS how we met.
C.: Yes, I remember. You were the only one who would talk to me when I first came into rehab. Everyone else thought that I was deranged because I was acting like I wanted to scratch and bite anyone who did not give me catnip. You talked to me and calmed me down. You are the main reason that I am now a recovering catnip addict, and not still in rehab. What was so important, though, that you had to stay at the rehab facility for two days?
d.: As I said, it was a misunderstanding. Armand the nine-banded armadillo made what the kennel workers thought was an unusual request for his noon meal..
..
C.: Armadillo by morning up from Santa's sleigh, I lost my wife to a girlfreind, I didn't know that she was gay......
d.: Cal.E. Do NOT do that! You will get in trouble for making fun of a George Strait song here in Texas. He is a legend in this state. It is almost as insulting to Texans as making fun of an Elvis song in my native state, Mississippi. Just be glad that you were in Texas, not Mississippi yesterday when you made up new words to that Elvis song. You might not have survived if you were in my native state when you did that!
C.: Okay, d.c. I will be quiet and let you finish the story. What did Armand order that alarmed the kennel workers at the rehab facility?
d.: Armand is already in the mental health side of the facility. He came in acting like he wanted to harm himself. That WOULD be hard for an armadillo to do, though, with his thick armor over most of his body! He was put on suicide watch. After a month, though, the kennel workers took him off of suicide watch. That is, until yesterday, when he ordered fire ants for his noon meal. They called me in to watch him and make sure he did not harm himself. I had to stay with him all day and all night!
C.: That DOES sound like he wanted to harm himself! I understand why the kennel workers were so upset!
d.: Not really. Armadillos eat fire ants on a regular basis when they are on their own. Even though armadillos can be a pest to farmers and ranchers when they dig for insects underground, they do keep the fire ant population reduced. It is a delicate balance.
C.: You are here now. How did you get out of watching the armadillo?
d.: I called the vet this morning. He gave the order to take Armand off of suicide watch. I need to go home and get some sleep, once I say "Hello" to my family. I must work another twelve-hour shift tomorrow in the mental health part of the kennel. I will also keep an eye on the animals in the rehab part of the kennel. Cal.E., do NOT let me catch you back in there! You may not ever get out, if you get sent back to rehab!
C.: I will try...
d.: To quote the all-knowing Yoda from "Star Wars," "Do or do not. There is no TRY!"
C.: Okay, d.c. I will talk to you tomorrow, then, AFTER you get off work!
This has been another episode of Cal.E.'s corner, with d.c. scot, and the world's best lyricist, in my opinion (the only one that counts).
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