C.: I wonder why d.c. isn’t here? I’ll call him and see why he’s late. (ring) I’ll let my mind wander while I wait and ask some rhetorical questions while I wait for him to answer the phone. (ring) If there is an antonym for the word “antonym” in the English language– which is synonym– why isn’t there not another word for synonym in the English language? (ring) And if Egypt is an ancient country in the Middle East, the birthplace of civilization, why do we refer to a place in the middle of nowhere as blank blank Egypt? Also, why does nutritious food not taste as good as other foods that aren’t healthy? (ring) And why do stainless steel scalpel blades have an expiration date? And why does mustard have an expiration date? Is the vinegar or the mustard seeds going to expire? And, if milk has a “best if used by date,” is that an expiration date or a suggestion? And, if a football team from the east coast runs the west coast offense, is it still called by the same name? Adn why isn't there a Spanish word for the name "Bubba"? Are there no "good ol' boys" who speak Spanish?
(ring) Also, if France was the first country to recognize the United States as an independent nation, why will the officials at the Tour de France not recognize an American as the greatest competitor ever to ride in their race? Why did the officials at this race hide the results of seven time winner Lance Armstrong’s “B” samples for three years, when urine samples are only good for twenty-four hours? Were his “A” samples tainted? If not, who had custody of the “B” samples for three years? Was the chain of custody followed properly? Is there a paper trail to prove that it was? Would any other country have allowed the evidence to stand? (I think not.)
(ring) The man who is now regarded as the greatest cyclist of all time– Miguel Indurain– as much as admitted that nobody finishes the race without at least blood doping. That would mean that everyone in the race, including him, took blood out of their bodies six weeks before the race and let their bodies reproduce blood, using the blood that was extracted to boost their reserves. What happened to his “A” and “B” samples”? He won the race five times, so he would have been tested after each win. (ring) I’ve known inmates in The Human Kennel with more integrity than these race officials! (ring)
Well, I guess d.c. isn’t going to pick up his phone. Maybe he got called into work at the last minute and didn’t have time to call me. He can’t take his phone into The Human Kennel. Or… He went deer hunting, was mauled by a bear, and is desperately trying to reach someone to come rescue him. No… d.c. is a good shot. He would have shot the bear and made a rug out of him. Maybe that’s why he’s not answering his phone. He’s too busy dressing a deer and a bear…wait, it’s not bear season in Texas, so he couldn’t shoot the bear. With all his knee problems, he couldn’t outrun one, either. Now, I’m worried. When is bear season in Texas? Is it ever legal to shoot a bear? Are they on the endangered species list? Are talking cats from other planets on the endangered species list? And why does my head hurt so bad? I’d better lie down until I can get in touch with d.c. to write tomorrow’s blog. Please join my co host, d.c. scot and me tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Corner (if he’s not dead or incapacitated).
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