Almost everything has an inert ingredient. Even the air we breathe is 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen. That leaves a full 1% of the air as inert ingredients.
The most prevalent inert ingredient in the air is argon gas. Although in minute quantities this gas is harmless, in larger quantities it can be fatal. The same is true of carbon dioxide, the second most prevalent inert ingredient in air. Both can cost someone his or her life if enough of either of these gasses is inhaled. Each gas is colorless, odorless, and tasteless. Consequently, neither is easily detected. Some other inert ingredients are also dangerous enough to cost someone his or her life, even in minute quantities. Many are practically impossible to detect...
C.: (ring) Oh, hi, d.c. How is it going?
d.: I was just calling to see if you’d had a chance to look at my opening lines for “Murder 8: The Inert Ingredient” yet?
C.: No, no yet, d.c. I was just getting ready to start my campaign. I’m using my off days to work on my campaign speeches.
d.: What office are you running for?
C.: Cat Queen…er Animal Royalty
d.: ??!!
C.: I thought that, since I was the queen of my planet before I came here to Earth, I should try to run things here. However, the “powers that be” Insisted there be an election. I was going to run unopposed, but my mortal enemy, Buddy Bones heard about the position and is running against me.
d.: But he’s not a cat, and he’s male, so wouldn't he be the “dog king” if he won?
C.: That’s why we compromised on the name of the office. One cannot be discriminatory in this day and age! Since I’m running against Buddy Bones, I’ve prepared my campaign speech, but I need a sounding board. Since you called, would you like to hear it?
d.: Well, first of all, what is your platform?
C.: ??!!
d.: I mean, what are you going to do if you’re elected “Animal Royalty”?
C.: Oh, that. Yes, first of all, I will outlaw one-ply toilet paper.
d.: I’m with you so far…
C.: Secondly, I will make catnip legal the world over
d.: I don’t think catnip is illegal in any country or state…
C.: Thirdly, I will make it mandatory for every human to take care of at least one cat.
d.: I don’t think everyone likes cats, and some people are just incapable of taking care of any animals…
C.: My next item is that I will make it illegal for dogs to be out of their kennels, and cats to be put into one
d.: I would think you would get the cat vote with that one. Cats probably are in the majority, but you are alienating the dog vote…
C.: Then, I will make it illegal for vets to roam the streets after seven p.m.
d.: Why?
C.: Because I don’t like them! I know that they are necessary to keep animals alive and well, but, sometimes, what they do hurts. So, I want to do something to hurt them!
d.: I can see you losing the human vote with that one. So far, Cal.E. it sounds as if you will do more for cats than any other species. Is that a good idea?
C.: I’m just following the example you humans set. Isn’t that what human politicians do? Help themselves and those that have helped them, while ignoring everyone else’s needs?
d.: That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Corner.
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