Are you gonna take me home tonight?
Aah, down beside that red fire light
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Hey!
I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat Fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman, you made a bad boy out of me
Hey, hey!
I've been singing with my band
Across the wire, across the land
I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
C'mon
Oh, won't you take me home tonight?
Oh, down beside your red fire light
Oh, and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Hey, listen here
Now I got mortgages on homes
I got stiffness in my bones
Ain't no beauty queens in this locality, I tell you
Oh, but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman, you done made a big man out of me
Now get this
Are (I know) you gonna take me home tonight? (Please)
Oh, down beside that red fire light
Are you gonna let it all hang out?
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round (yeah)
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rocking world go 'round
Get on your bikes and ride
Oh yeah, oh yeah, them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Alright, ride 'em cowboy
Fat bottomed girls
Yes, yes
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Brian May
Fat Bottomed Girls lyrics © Queen Music Ltd
d. Hey, Cal.E. Have you weighed yourself lately?
C.: Why would I want to do that? You know the old saying, ”Ignorance is bliss.”
d.: Actually, the whole quote is “Ignorance is bliss, but knowledge is power.” That is what Kim Harrison said. Others just want to shorten what Thomas Gray said in his poem, Ode on a Distant Prospect at Eton College, “Where ignorance is bliss, Tis folly to be wise.”
C.: Okay, d.c. Why would I want to weigh myself?
d.: Because The Kennel is starting a new program. If you have a body mass index in a certain range, you qualify for a weight loss program. It usually costs $600.00, but it is free to Kennel workers who qualify.
C.: Are you saying I’m fat?
d.: Well, not really, but you may qualify for this program…
C.: Do you qualify for the program, d.c.?
d.: I did, and I went through the program twice. I didn’t complete it the first time because of health complications, so I did it again when it was offered. It’s a good program that helped me lose enough weight so that I don't qualify for the program anymore.
C.: I’m sticking with my original statement. I would rather be ignorant and blissful than knowledgeable and miserable.
d.: Actually, Cal.E., what you are saying borders on stupidity.
C.: Ignorance, stupidity, what’s the difference?
d.: Ignorance is not knowing that something is harmful and doing it. Stupidity is knowing that something is harmful and doing it anyway. Think of all those inmates at the Human Kennel who know that they need expensive meds and don’t come to get them, even though they are being offered costly prescriptions for free. That is stupidity. They think it’s too inconvenient to tear themselves away from their state-issued iPads to sit and wait for free meds for fifteen minutes! They don’t realize that others don’t wait on draggards in the free world! They want everything done on their time, not when it is time to do something. Unfortunately, we, as nurses, as well as the officers, are obligated to pacify them, because the State doesn’t want to be sued. Even if the State wins, the case will be printed in every newspaper and talked about on every news website and on the television news. It’s bad publicity for the State.
C.: No wonder so many of the inmates are repeat offenders. They get released and learn that it is harder to live an honest life than to be told what to do, when to do it, and have others pay for their room, board, and medications. I tell you, d.c., the system here on earth is broken.
d.: So, how do they punish people on your home planet, Cal.E.? C.: They make criminals traffic cops!
d.: ???!!!
C.: No one pays attention to what traffic cops say or do on my home planet. Additionally, there is no shade anywhere close to our roads. And, since cats like heat, we picked a planet that is much closer to the sun than this planet is. Also, the traffic cops inhale fumes from cars and trucks all day long. It’s a punishment worse than death!
d.: It’s certainly worse than what happens to criminals in this country on this planet. Anyway, Cal.E., if you have a BMI over 30, you qualify for the program. Since I’m in charge of the program at our kennel, I’m weighing all of the employees. Now, step on these portable scales and we’ll see if you qualify…That’s the fastest I’ve ever seen a cat run in my life! Maybe she doesn’t need the program if she can run that fast at her age!
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