C.: Well, d.c. called and said that he’s hard at work trying to write the end of “The Magruder Mysteries’’ series. Since I’m not accustomed to writing alone, I invited my youngest male offspring, Ralph, to join me in writing today’s blog.
“How are things with you today, Ralph?”
Ralph: I’m still a little disappointed that d.c. beat both of us to the codes to collect the 250 k of bitcoin, Mom. In fact, I wrote a song about it. Would you like to hear it? Here it goes.
d.c. is an old guy
I thought my secret was safe
Mom and my siblings were busy getting high…
C.: Wait a minute, Ralph. Catnip is not illegal! Your brothers and sisters and I were just having a good time, that’s all.
Ralph: May I continue with the next verse, Mom?!
C.: Okay, but don’t make me look bad! This blog is named after ME after all!
Ralph:
I was the first one to crack the bank robber’s codes
Or so I thought
But when I got through digging for bitcoin codes
I discovered my work went for naught
Because the old guy beat everyone to the mineshaft
And collected the dough
Now I’m stuck living with my mother
I have nowhere else to go…
C.: You don’t technically live with me, Ralph. You’ve been touring with Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young II (+2) for the last few months. I turned your old bedroom into a sewing room/ gym. You need to find your own place to live.
Ralph: Mom, you neither sew nor work out on a regular basis. The only time you mention working out is when d.c. drags you to the gym and you get so bored that you sit on the machines. When one starts going by itself, you then try to figure out how to stop it. That’s the only cardiovascular exercise I ever see you mention in this blog, or when we talk on the phone. Why would you turn my old room into a gym/sewing room?
C.: Well, it’s like this, Ralph. Even though I got promoted and earn a much higher salary at The Kennel now, I needed some extra money because my job is so very stressful. I needed something to relieve the stress, so I started chewing up catnip again. I thought I could handle it, but I’m an addict. The more I ate, the more I craved it. Soon, I was spending my whole paycheck on catnip. I can’t let other cats live at our house because it belongs to Mom and Dad, not me.
So, I came up with the idea of turning your old bedroom into a gym/sewing room where other cats could go and have a good time. In addition to their dues, I also make sure none of the patrons brings any kind of liquid with them. Then, I sell them my beet juice with catnip drink when they are thirsty from working out. It makes them so energetic that they become addicted to the effects of the drink. I sell more and more of the drink to my patrons, which allows me to buy more and more catnip. It’s a vicious cycle, Ralph, and I want it to end!
Ralph: I think I can help. Simply give me all your catnip, and I’ll….dispose of it in a safe place.
C.: Thanks, Ralph. You’re an angel sent from kitty heaven. I’ll gather all my catnip and give it to you real soon.
Ralph: When will that be Mom?
C.: When hell freezes over! Do you think I’m an idiot?! I know what you plan to do with my catnip. I won’t be a party to one of my kittens becoming as addicted as I am to catnip! I’ll just need to consume it all before you move back in with me. I should get started right now, if you’re going to move back in. We’ll need to share a space, because there is no extra room in Mom and Dad’s house now, with one dozen of your brothers and sisters living with me.
I suppose I need to get started then. I’ll bid farewell to our dear readers while you close the blog, Ralph.
Ralph:
So long
Farewell…
C.: Oh, for the love of CAT! You and your siblings are NOT the Von Trapp children, that’s for sure. Just grab your gear and come with me.
This concludes our blog for this evening. Join us tomorrow, for another episode of “Cal.E.’s Corner.”
Commenti