While Dr. Buddy Bones is trying to find a way to finance his perpetual motion machine through sports on planet HTRAE we now take you back to planet Earth (sort of)
C.: d.c., what ARE you doing?
d.: I am trying to get in shape for the stretch run of the Major League baseball season.
C.: May I ask why? And is this the reason that I have been waiting so long for you to answer my phone call?
d.: Yes, Cal.E., it is. While I was waiting for the doctor to call me for my appointment, I had time to read the local newspaper. Three of the Astros’ best players are injured. My favorite team will need help to complete their scheduled games after the All-Star break. I just want to be ready in case I am drafted to help the home team. The Astros have first and second-round draft choices this year. I think, if they draft me, I could be of some help!
C.: d.c., you do realize that the Astros have minor league players waiting to come up and take the place of injured players, don’t you? And what position, pray tell, would an almost sixty-year-old man be able to play in the modern major leagues?
The days of a Babe Ruth or even a Mark Grace coming to the game hungover and getting the game-winning hit are over. Most of these guys spend their free time lifting weights, running, and doing yoga or Pilates to loosen their muscles. You have not been able to work out much after all your procedures. Where WOULD you play if the Astros DID call you?
d.: I can play catcher. No, my knees are shot. Maybe first base, or even second, since Jose Altuve is out with a bruised knee. I hope our rookie shortstop, or our third basemen do not get hurt. My arm is not strong enough to play those positions, or any of the outfield positions. I could be the designated hitter, though. I am a switch hitter with a high batting average.
C.: And a lot of your hits came because of your speed. When is the last time you even tried to run?
d.: March 12.
C.: Of what year?
d.: 2014, or thereabouts. It was right after I had my knee replaced.
C.: And how did that work out for you?
d.: Let’s not dwell on the negatives, Cal.E. The Astros can expand their roster on September 1. I could be a pinch-hitter off the bench. If I hit the ball far enough, I would not need to “leg out” a hit.
C.: d.c., the Astros, and all other major league baseball teams can only expand their roster by two players on September first. Those two players will either be players coming off the disabled list or players from their forty-man roster who are currently playing in Sugar Land for the Space Cowboys.
Even IF the Astros did not have adequate replacements less than thirty miles away, what makes you think they would choose you over an elite high school or college player in the upcoming draft?
d.: Experience is the best teacher.
C.: If that is the case, you should be able to do almost ANYTHING!
d.: (Heavy sigh)
Comments