C.: Hey, d.c. What are you doing on your day off?
d.: I am watching “Jackass; the Movie” with my son who is on leave this week.
C.: You find that you must see stuff like that in a movie? Don’t you get enough of things like that at work?
d.: ???
C.: Don’t you remember the guy who hopped up on the ten-foot holding cage, naked from the waist down, and threatened to hang himself with thirty feet of sheets wrapped around his neck? If he had jumped off the cage, he would have had twenty feet of sheet left before it would choke him.
What about the giant 7’2” guy who pulled the feeding tube out of his duodenum so that he could get out of Ad. Seg. and go to the hospital? Or how about the guy who said that he was suicidal, so that he could go to the mental health facility next door because it was air conditioned? IT WAS hot that summer, but he did not know that he would be sitting in a cell with nothing but his underwear on. He was not even allowed to have a sheet, for fear he would hang himself with it.
I also remember you telling me about guys at the first unit you worked at who would intentionally cut their fingers on a canning machine. They did that so that they could go to medical and get an excuse to get out of working for a few days.
And what about the guy who was within three months of finishing his program? He would have had his record expunged if he had finished the program but wanted to quit and serve a two-year sentence in a higher-level security facility because he had to get up too early. That guy was in his mid-forties! You and the charge nurse tried to talk him out of that poor decision, but he already had his mind made up that he was going to quit the program, like eighty percent of the others in it! All they had to do was nine months of real work and go to classes afterward, and it would be as if they had never even been arrested. They could not even do that!
d.: Yes, but I work at a pre-release facility now. Most of these guys want to appear to be healthy, so that they will not be delayed from getting out of prison on their scheduled date.
C.: Well, what about the guy who fell out of the work van and hit his shoulder on the door frame? He tried to convince y’all that his shoulder was broken. Oddly enough, he did have a REAL problem. He had a steel plate in the leg on the same side of his body as the shoulder he injured. He was issued crutches for that problem. But, d.c., as many times as you have needed to use crutches because of your various leg injuries, didn’t you find that crutches are extremely hard on your shoulders?
THAT was not as bad as the guy who threatened to sue the state because he sprained his ankle at work. When he tore the water fountain off the wall to break his fall, he decided NOT to sue the state. He put his crutches down and walked away from the pill window afterward. He said he would not sue the state if he was not charged for the damage he caused to the water fountain. Then, he walked out of the facility without an assistive device two days later (and without a hint of a limp).
D.: Yes, Cal.E. I suppose that, if The Kennel would allow us to bring a camera into our facility, we could make our own movie that would make “Jackass; The Movie” look like a documentary about geniuses! Most people in The Human Kennel are not nearly as intelligent as the believe themselves to be. THAT is probably why the human kennel stays at 98% capacity. People who think they can outsmart the system and the police are plentiful, just like scammers on social media sights!
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