C.: Hi, d.c., how are you doing today?
d.: I am doing better now, Cal.E. I just read that an “anonymous donor” committed $175,000 to help the families of the victims in Uvalde with funeral costs.
C.: Who was it?
d.: The donor did not want his or her name to be known, but I can venture a guess as to who it was. This person has a reputation for giving to causes like this. I think this person wanted to remain anonymous because s/he did not want to attract any attention away from the victims and what happened.
C.: Well, $175,000 is a LOT of money. I guess the victim’s families are all set now!
d.: It IS a lot of money, and if it is who I think it is, this person probably did a lot of research before donating the money. S/he is very good at determining the cost of things before committing money to a cause. The average cost of a funeral, though, is about $10,000. The amount of money contributed gives each family $8,333, if the murderer’s family is excluded.
C.: Don’t you think that the local funeral home would be willing to give a discount to these families for the funerals of the victims, dc.? d.: I would certainly hope so. I hesitate to call these individuals scammers. Everyone must earn a living. However, one of the wealthiest families in the nearest town of any size where I grew up owned a large funeral home. That family did not get wealthy by giving discounts. These people can make a lot of money by playing on people’s emotions at a stressful time.
C.: But people want to pay their respects, right? What is wrong with spending a lot of money to do that?
d.: I have reasons that I do not believe in doing that. The first reason is that I started my nursing career as a hospice nurse. I never thought it was something I would enjoy doing, but I found that I did enjoy working closely with the families. Since I was a substitute nurse, I learned the ”last signs of life” because the regular nurses knew them well. They were entitled to take at least one day off per week. Most chose to take their days off when the recognized the “last signs of life.” If you have ever read the book “Ninety Minutes in Heaven,” it gives some hints as to what those may be. Basically, when I recognized the first of those signs, I reasoned that the end would come within the next forty-eight hours. So did the patient’s usual palliative care nurse. That is when s/he would ask for the next day off. The paperwork is complicated, and, if a nurse has been sitting with a patient for an extended period, it can be stressful.
We are taught as nurses not to get emotionally involved with the patients or their families. However, nurses are humans. Humans have emotions. I saw a veteran nurse get quite attached to one of her patients while working in palliative care. She was a thirty-year-old mother of four with kidney cancer. The veteran nurse was relieved that her patient was finally out of pain, but she felt horrible for the young lady’s family. The kids were all very young, and the sister that took them in had children of her own. It was a stressful situation, but that nurse chose to stay with the patient the night she passed. The nurse stayed after her shift, because she knew what was going to happen, and she wanted to be there for the family.
C.: Wow, that’s awesome! Do you have any stories about something like that happening to you?
d.: Yes, Cal.E., I do. After I became well-versed in the “last signs of life” I was asked to fill in for a nurse that was ill. When I got to the patient’s side, I knew that she would not live much longer. All the signs were there. At the end of my shift, I called her daughters to her side and told them that they needed to tell their mother “Goodbye.” I then offered to stay until she passed, because there was no nurse scheduled to come in after me. It was late at night, and my manager could not find another nurse to fill in. I had already worked a twelve-hour shift before that one, but I did not want to leave the two women alone to deal with their mother’s death.
To shorten the story, the sisters told me that they could handle their mom the rest of the night. I gave them the instructions for her medications, along with my cell phone number before I left, in case they had questions. My manager called me the next day and said that the mom had passed two hours after I left. He asked me if I would accept a phone call from the daughters of the patient. I said yes, and one of the sisters called and thanked me about ten minutes later. She said that she did not want to disturb me the night before. Her main question was, “How did you know when Mom would pass?” I just told her it was from experience. Many people in nursing do not want to work with terminally ill patients, but I found it rewarding.
d.: And now, to change the subject a little bit, it is the anniversary of the D-Day invasion of Normandy. It is a day to remember the brave men who were willing to give their lives to preserve freedom, both the United States’ and in Western Europe. If you know anyone in or who has ever been in the military, take this opportunity to say “Thank you for your service.”
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