He was an old-time cowboy, don't you understand His eyes were sharp as razor blades his face was leather tan His toes were pointed inward from a-hangin' on a horse He was an old philosopher, of course
He was so thin I swear you could have used him for a whip He had to drink a beer to keep his britches on his hips I knew I had to ask him about the mysteries of life He spit between his boots and he replied "It's faster horses, younger women, Older whiskey, and more money"
He smiled and all his teeth were covered with tobacco stains He said, "It don't do men no good to pray for peace and rain. Peace and rain is just a way to say prosperity, And buffalo chips is all it means to me."
I told him I was a poet, I was lookin' for the truth I do not care for horses, whiskey, Women or the loot I said I was a writer, My soul was all on fire He looked at me an' he said, "You are a liar."
"It's faster horses, younger women, Older whiskey, and more money" Well, I was disillusioned, if I say the least I grabbed him by the collar and I jerked him to his feet There was something cold and shiny layin' by my head So I started to believe the things he said Well, my poet days are over and I'm back to being me As I enjoy the peace and comfort of reality If my boy ever asks me what it is that I have learned I think that I will readily affirm "It's faster horses, younger women, Older whiskey, and more money" "It's faster horses, younger women, Older whiskey, and more money"
Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Tom Hall
Faster Horses (The Cowboy And The Poet) lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
C.: Good evening! I suppose y’all noticed that I am not dressed for work today. That is because I was able to pay Tom the Tabby back all the money owe him and keep the money I had already earned. How, you may ask?
You may remember that I was able to participate in a high-stakes game of Cat, Cat, Dog a few weeks ago. I took the winnings from that game and bet on teams in the “Elite Eight” college basketball games. I had Tom’s phone and computer tapped, so I knew which teams would win and which would lose. As I said before, Tom has a lot of influence in the world of gambling.
You may also remember that I sent Tom a tracking device. He cannot get the device off, once he put it on his neck, thinking that it was a very strong flea collar. I sent it anonymously so he would not know that it came from me. He was not suspicious about its real purpose. Back to the story.
Gary the Greyhound’s poor human is in denial about his dog’s abilities to run diminishing with Gary's advancing age. He wanted to win all of his money back from me, so he agreed to another high-stakes game. I was able to take the money I won by outrunning poor Gary and parlay it into a bet at the horse tracks.
Since I still have Tom’s equipment tapped, I was able to pick the winners in both the daily double and the “pick-six.” He does not bet on dogs, for obvious reasons. Tom does like to play the ponies, though, so he makes sure that he wins whenever he gambles on horse racing.
I parlayed the winnings from the first six races into a “boxed wheel trifecta” ( if you understood what I just said, you are spending WAY too much time at the horse races) in the seventh race and won that bet. Afterward, I took all my winnings and bet on the longshot in the last race, increasing my earnings by one- hundred-fold.
Warning: Kids, don’t try this at home! Cal.E. is a professional gambler with inside information.
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