THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY, SOMEWHERE IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY (that's close enough for a cat!) Discovery of the strange planet "Earth"; Day Three
C.: Well, the "Head Cat" (hehe) asked me about the heading on my report. I was obligated to explain it to him. Perhaps you readers would also like to be clued in. You see, I was found by a VERY nosey human, who thought I was a "stray cat" (whatever that is) and took me to a horrible place called "The Kennel." I was put on the animal side of the facility, since I resemble an Earth cat. It was there that I met a nurse who could understand what I was saying, but he was the only one. I tried to tell the nurses that I was NOT an Earth cat and needed to return to my vehicle. He warned me not to try to communicate with the humans. He was afraid that they would try to do experiments on me if the other humans knew that I was from another planet and could talk, just like them. I am glad d.c. scot was working that night, or I may have been a science experiment by now!
So... While I was sleeping, a very nice couple with a young boy came looking for a pet. The dad wanted a dog, but Mom said that a cat would be a better pet than a dog would be for their son. I think both Mom and Dad would have liked to have a human baby, but they could not find one at the place to which I was taken. Maybe they keep small humans in a different facility and Mom and Dad got mixed up about where to look. However, when their son saw me, he insisted on taking me home. Mom and Dad both agreed to this, because their son, whom I call "Big Red," REALLY liked me. "Big Red" took me home and named me "Calculating Einstein Kat." I know how to calculate, and, apparently, Einstein was a VERY smart human. That WOULD be unusual. Maybe that is why everyone knows about him. However, "Big Red" said that he would give me a nickname: Cal.E, which is short for Calculating Einstein. "Big Red" said that my last name should be Kat, since that is a different spelling of the species, and I am a different kind of cat.
(Note to self) I MUST avoid that plant called "catnip" at ALL costs. One bite of that plant, which Mom and Dad believed I would enjoy, and I was running around my new house like a... REALLY fast animal. I have not been on this planet long enough to know what animal to compare myself to when under the influence of this dangerous plant. Apparently, it affects Earth cats differently from the way it affected me since I am NOT from this planet. It seems to calm Earth cats' nerves. It invigorated me to the point of not being able to control myself. I played with Big Red all day and some of the night. Now, I am exhausted. I MUST continue my research, though. I just need something to keep me going. Maybe ONE more little taste of the catnip will not addict me to its properties...
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