Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make a piece in your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if you've got the toe
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Bring on the brothers who've gone on before And all of the sisters who've knocked at your door All the departed, dear loved ones of mine And stick 'em up front in the offensive line
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life
Yeah, dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life End over end, neither left, nor the right
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Charles Craft
Dropkick Me Jesus lyrics © Screen Gems-emi Music Inc., Black Sheep Music
C.: Well, d.c. is busy with his project today, so he asked me to write the blog by myself today. I’ll do that, as soon as I make this journal entry. I haven’t written in my journal since…well…ever. I’ll share this first entry with you readers.
July 26, 2023
The musings of The Planet of the Talking Cats resident Calculating Einstein Kat.
I’m scheduled to marry Tucker Tucker Two this Saturday at two p.m. CDT. I have a plan to get out of this, but it involves a cousin from a distant planet. ELAC is a math whiz, so she should be able to figure out the calculations to bring her spaceship to Earth and take me back to her home planet, THRAE. That’s the mirror planet of Earth, and it has the exact opposites of Earth dwellers on that planet. My cousin is a math genius, and I can only count to two. Anyway, I may go through with the wedding. I might not have a choice, because ELAC says it will be a close call to get here in time to rescue me from marrying the big lug.
Why don’t I want to marry Tucker? I have my theories. One is that Tucker, as the fiv- time heavyweight cat fighting champion of the world, he’s a meowionaire, and I’m barely scraping by on my salary from The Kennel as the head cage cleaner. Tucker is also employed by the notorious criminal mastermind, Tom the Tabby, but neither of those things are the reason that I’m so scared to marry Tucker.
As d.c. says, everyone and every animal has one thing in common: we will all die someday, and no one knows exactly when. d.c.’s dad, who has as many health problems as d.c. does, will celebrate his ninety-fifth birthday next month, and the man who wrote THE COMPLETE BOOK OF RUNNING, Jim Fixx, died at age fifty-two. Wild Chamberlain, who was a professional basketball player who once played for the Harlem Globetrotters, died in at sixty-three. Wilt played volleyball after he retired from the NBA to keep in shape, but someone as large as he was probably died because his heart just wore out.
According to d.c, Wilt was much larger than the publicized size of 7’!” and 285 lbs..When he was a freshman at the University of Kansas, Wilt told his coaches that it was against his religion to be measure or weighed. The coaches insisted that they must list his height and weight in the basketball team’s program. Wilt wasn’t religious, he was just self- consciences about his size.
Wilt agreed to be measured against the Jayhawks starting center. They knew that Nate Thurmond was 6’11” ‘all. Wilt was taller when they stood back-to-back, so he told the coaches to list him at 7’0’’. The coaches disagreed. They said he was a lot taller than Nate, so he said to list him at 7’1’’, and the coaches complied. The truth is that Wilt was probably closer to Yao Ming’s size (7’6’’) than Nate Thurmond’s. The coaches then asked Wilt how much he weighed. He told them to guess, and the guessed 285 lbs. Wilt nodded his head in agreement, and that was the weight he was listed at. He was probably in the same weight class as Shaquille O’Neil, though (340 lb.’s).
As a former hospice nurse, d.c. saw a lot of people die. He knew the signs of impending death, so when the guards were concerned about an inmate, they came to d.c for his opinion. d.c. told them to let him do as he wished, because he probably wouldn’t live until shift change. That inmate lived until his release date, which was six months later.
No one at The Kennel knows what happened after that, because the inmate had served his flat time and was no longer obligated to report his whereabouts to the State.
d.c. told me another story about being in the same locker room with other cancer survivors at M.D. Anderson, getting ready to be x-rayed. One shared the story of how he had seen the world, because his oncologist told him that he probably wouldn’t live for another seven years. “That was fourteen years ago,” the cancer survivor concluded. M.D. Anderson has some of the best oncologists in the world, and even they can’t predict the exact date of someone’s death.
Jeffrey Epstein, a billionaire, “committed suicide” in prison (and, if you still believe that, d.c. still has the property in Galveston, Texas available at a good price. This property is guaranteed not to flood, so you don’t need to worry about the insurance company not wanting to supply you with flood insurance).
And, d.c. says that his great uncle, a carpenter by trade, lived to be ninety-six. This man smoked one cigarette a day and took one shot of whiskey each day from his eleventh birthday until he was too incapacitated to do so. Everything in moderation, I guess, but it does help to have good genes.
Anyway, the reason that I don’t want to marry Tucker has nothing to do with his status as a meowionnaire or a criminal. I’ve done some questionable things in my life, and money comes in handy sometimes. Tucker is paying for our wedding, honeymoon, and rehearsal dinner all by himself. It’s me that I’m worried about. After two failed marriages on two different planets, I’m gun shy. Tucker has never been married, so he doesn’t have the same concerns that I do. We are different, but d.c. says that, to quote Ruth Bell Graham, “If two people (or cats, in this instance) are exactly alike, then one is unnecessary.” That makes sense, but I’m still scared, and d.c. is too obsessed with his own project for me to count on him kidnapping me from my rehearsal dinner. I must come up with another plan before it’s too late. If I suffer another divorce, I’ll feel as if I’ve been dropkicked through the goalposts of life.
Tune in tomorrow, folks, and find out if Cal.E. comes up with a plan to get out of her wedding without being hunted for the rest of her life by two criminal cats, or she’s doomed to another marriage that may or may not work out.
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