Cal.E.'s Korner

Live, from Cut-N-Shoot Texas, it’s the Joe Groan Show her on KEEP/KEEN Conroe/Cut-N-Shoot. And now, here’s the one-hundred thirty-fifth rated podcaster in the northwestern tip of Southeast Texas, your host, Joe Groan!

Oh, oh, oh. The animal Olympics are still going on. Well, at least one event is. The third heat of the Tortoise Ten K is about to begin. That’s right, folks, just three more heats until we get to the quarterfinals. The two fastest tortoises get a bye in the second round, so the tortoises are fiving it their all to have the fastest times in the first round. Unfortunately, that’s not amazingly fast.

Moving along, the Houston Astros seem to be putting it together, as I said they would (ring)….I have told y’all many times, less of you and more of me is a good thing, so stop calling the show? (ring) Well, this caller isn’t going to give up, so I’ll take this one call.

“Hello, you’re on the air with Joe Groan, the number one authority on sporting events in Southeast Texas.

C.: Hey Joe. Where you goin’ round with that gun in your hand?

JG.: Excuse me?

C.: Not a Jimi Hendrix fan, I see. Anyway, you didn’t say that the Astros would put it all together. You said that they definitely would NOT go to the World Series this year.

JG.: When did I say that?

C.: Sunday, August third, on your two-p.m. show on KEEP KEEN. In paragraph three, second sentence, you said that the Houston Astros will NOT go to the World Series this year.

JG.: Listen, ma’am, sir, or nonbinary individual, this show is for entertainment purposed only. So, if you lost a bet because you bet on the team I said would definitely win, it’s your own fault. I assume no responsibility for any losses suffered by my audience….

C.: Chill, dude. I stopped gambling three  years ago. I would have won a fortune by now and become a Meow-illionnare

if I’d just listened to your show and bet on the team you picked to lose, though, if I hadn’t been convinced to give up gambling by my best human friend, d.c. scot.

JG.: Yes, well, as I said, this show is for entertainment purposes only. If changing my mind makes the show more entertaining, then that’s even more reason to listen, right?

Well, I estimate your audience to be three: d.c., my husband, Tucker Tucker Two, a.k.a. The (former) Cat fighter Formerly Known As The Tuxedo (who really needs a shorter nickname) Now Simply Known As T Because Triple T Was Already Taken (by his former World Association of Cat Fighting and Knowledge of Ornithology, Tom the Tabby).

T’s the six-time WACKO world champion of cat fighting, but he’s retired now. He just sits on his tail and listens to your show, for the most part. He likes to hear what you have to say, but you must be consistent, or you’ll lose one-half of your audience.

JG.: How would I lose one-half of three listeners?

C.: Okay, two-thirds then. d.c. will probably keep listening to your show, even if T and I don’t.

JG. Okay, caller, you claim to be the wife of the six-time WACKO cat fighting champion of the world, so you would know what his middle name is, wouldn’t you?

C.: Yes,

JG....So, what is it?

C.: Well, let’s see, forty-five letters, divided by two…carry the three and divide by twenty-nine. It’s As, but it was T before he retired.

JG. Okay, let me see. Forty-five words, carry the two, divide by pi and square each number, then divide by the square root of twenty-seven, no, that’s not right. I’ll need to start again….

C.: Well, this may take a while, folks, so that’s the end of today’s cat tail(e).

Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.E.’s Korner.