C.: ( I’m glad that I can watch this college football game with Jonesing to bet on it.Taking to d.c. really helped me out yesterday. I just hope that he’s okay, too.….Hmm. If I were ever on the side of a cliff and wanted to have someone hold me so that I wouldn’t fall off, I’d like to be with this team’s left tackle. If he held me as well as he’s holding the other team’s edge rusher, I’d be safe. The officials seem to be blind to it, though, or they really want a team with a better record in the league’s championship game next week. This game will determine which of these teams goes to play for the conference championship, and one team has a better record than the other, even if the other team wins this game….) (ring) (Well, that’s d.c.’s number. Maybe he’s watching the same game I am.)
“Hi, d.c., how are you on this fine fall day?”
d.: I’m fine, Cal.E., I just wanted to call you and see how you’re doing while I watch this college football game.
C.: Is it the one to determine which team plays in the conference championship?
d.: No, Cal.E., I already watched that game. There’s a 10.2225789 time delay before it gets to you in outer space.
C.: Okay, don’t tell me the score, although I think I know which team is going to win. What game are you watching?
d.: The Fruit Bowl.
C.: The what now?
d.: It’s called the Fruit Bowl. It’s between two 2-9 teams who didn’t make enough on ticket sales to pay their players enough money to fulfill the players’ NIL deals, so they had to get a lot of sponsors.
C.: To get money for the Name, Image and Likeness deals that they promised the players?
d.: Yes. The loooong commercial break is over, so I’ll let you listen to it for a few minutes.
Smith takes the opening kickoff of the second half at the Georgia Peach goal line. He’s at the Tennessee Turnip ten, the Frankfurt Frankfurters fifteen, the Twin City Tomatoes twenty, and he’s upended there by the special teams ace. This tackle was brought to you by Arizona Avocados. And now, the offense is about to take the field after these fifty-two messages from our sponsors, who are too numerous to mention in the time I have to do it.
C.: This will be a long game if they take a break between every play for advertisements.
d.: They will. That was the second half kickoff after a four-hour halftime to meet all of their commercial obligations. This game started at noon yesterday and I’m watching it live.
C.: Then, I think we have some time to talk about something else.
d.: What would you like to discuss, Cal.E.?
C.: What were all those phone calls that interrupted us yesterday about?
d.: Oh, it was just my doctor’s office.
C.: Which one?
d.: The main one. The medical assistant said that he had something important to tell me, so I finally asked him to email the information to me so that I could stay on the line with you and keep you from betting on football out of boredom.
C.: And you didn’t take the call? Didn’t that worry you?
d.: No, Cal.E., I find it best not to worry about things I cannot control.
C.: How’s that working out for you, health-wise, d.c.?
d.: Well…the MA’s email said that he was just trying to tell me that everything was fine with the tests the doctor ordered, so fine, to answer your question.
C.: This time.
Anyway, what got you interested in such an unusual football game, may I ask?
d.: You may. When I saw this game’s premise in the newspaper, it gave me an idea, so I decided to watch the game and try to expand on that idea.
College athletes can now get paid to play a sport that they are good at, right?
C.: I’m with you so far.
d.: And I’m a writer.
C.: Yes.
d.: Who must write papers for my classes. So… I think that my school should pay me to write my papers for its classes. I’m only taking two classes now, but I could double up and make a lot of money next semester! I’l be a millionaire, maybe even a multimillionaire!
C.: d.c., isn’t one of your classes a math class?
d.: Yes, it’s called Advanced Mathematics for Beginners, why?
C.: How does one write a paper for a math class?
d.:...That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Cal.e.’s Korner.
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