C.: (ring). I don’t want to answer the phone. It may be one of Ronald Dump’s supporters calling to bless me out…No, that’s Meow Z. Tongue’s number. He is the Supreme Ruler of the Galaxy of Talking Cats, so I’d better answer it. (ring). He may be calling to bless me out as well, but I must answer his call or he will do much worse to me and everyone I care deeply about.)
“Hello, Meow, how’s it going?”
Meow: It’s going well, Cal.E., thanks for asking. Now that we’re done with the small talk, I want to congratulate you on an excellent speech yesterday. That speech put you in the lead for Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats in the popular polls.
C.: I thought that the numbers were too close to call for that position.
M.: On the contrary. Before y’all’s campaign speeches yesterday, Ronald Dump
was 0.00000187 percentage points ahead of you in the nonscientific popular polls. Now, you’re 0.0000187 percentage points ahead in the polls.
That's probably why Ronald had his assistant shred his next speech and start over. He really wants this position!
C.: Well, I suppose that using kindness in my speech was the key factor in that. I should go public on social media and thank everyone who’s going to vote for me.
It was a simple strategy that backfired on Ronald Dump when he started to talk about what he was going to do. I merely pointed out the fallacy in all of his plans, which was easy to do….
M.: Cal.E., I’ve lined up a debate for the two of you next week. I want you to do just the opposite of what you did yesterday to ensure the results that I want from the election.
C.: But, if I do just the opposite, won’t I lose percentage points in the polls?
M.: Possibly, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take on your behalf.
C.: Meow, I was under the impression that you wanted me to replace my ex-husband, King Tom, as Ruler of the Planet of the Talking Cats. I came up with a solid strategy that put me ahead in the polls. Shouldn’t I continue to use the same strategy to win the election and take that position?
M.: No.
C.: Why? Don’t you want me to win the election?
M.:...That’s all the time we have for today, folks. Please join us tomorrow for another episode of Meow’s Musings.
C.: You mean Cal.E.’s Korner.
M.: For now, yes.
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